I always wanted to make my own wedding invitations and save the date cards. And while it would be awesome for everyone to see them once they have arrived at their homes..I'm too excited about them to not post about them! So those of you that read this, act surprised when you see them in the mail. ;) [The paper they will be printed on will be a surprise, I suppose, as it will not be plain white paper.]
Also, excuse the extremely poor quality of the images, I had to downgrade to load them up here.

--EDIT--

[the design phase never stops until I drive myself insane, I'm retracting the design photos for the time being.]

..my last one as a Calamas, at that! That's an exciting thought.

In other news, I'm too tired to write..My brother's girlfriend spent Christmas with us this year..which was fun, but meant I had to share my bed for the past 4 nights..not much sleep was had, she's one of those all over the place sleepers....

Hoping kind of for snow..and kind of not so I can drive up to Greenville to see my boy and his family for the rest of the holiday...

And possibly skiing on Monday or Tuesday! Yay!

Hope everyone had a wonderful day.

A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from his love. Purity, chastity, and virginity created a special beauty in Mary that attracted God’s attention. He showed his great love for the world by giving Jesus to her.

There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family.
Find them.
Love them.

Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.
Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness.

Speak tenderly to all. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well.
The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance.
It is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, no that. But we are perfectly happy.

I pray that you will understand the words of Jesus, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Ask yourself “How has he loved me? Do I really love others in the same way?” Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love.
Work without love is slavery.

Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.
A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace. -Mother Theresa.

I met with my dear friend, Amelia, from camp today. We rarely get to see one another, but when we do..it is a sweet sweet reunion accompanied by kind words, refreshing "real-ness," and peace.

What I loved most about her is her transparency and honesty, which was even more apparent than usual today when we talked about addiction, sin, idolatry, angry thoughts and bad intentions. We marveled at how we are constantly blown away by "realizations" of holy truths that are so extremely elementary that we overlook their simplicity with our overanalyzations.

We talked about those trivial sins like passing judgement on things that are not biblically "right" or "wrong," such as the appropriate age to get married and other subjects that really can be stripped down to who's opinion sounds better.

The Bible is the definite standard in the majority of these situations, but what about when things are hazy. The subjects of interest that cause the most conflict seem to be those that are in the midst of the grey area. And in these cases the honest words of my lovely friend seem to be stuck in my head, that "in these moments, I realize that the deepest condemnations I have towards others can be pointed directly inward, where my own sin, insecurities, and idols are left to formulate their own 'ideas' about others.." That sin itself can almost always be explained by my need to feed my soul with anything besides God.

Something like, "My condemnation of those that [insert judgmental phrase here] directly points to the fact that I'm [incredibly insecure about______, unforgiving of ______, too selfish, unloving, etc]."

If only self-reflection naturally came before outward condemnation...even if you aren't a Christian..it kinda just makes sense to have a nice self examination before bringing on the judgement.

Then we could tackle the root of the problem first and delight in the fact that if we all had the same opinions about non-harmful "grey matters" the world would be a very boring place.

Elementary....right?

For once in my life, the Clemson exam scheduling elves have smiled upon me..no exams passed Wednesday.

When it gets to Friday, it's depressing, cold, and lonely, because such a huge chunk of students are gone before them due to having all their exams earlier in the week..Clemson without students is so eery.

However, Christopher did not have such luck..in fact, he got the complete opposite. His last exam is Friday at 7 PM which happens to be the very last testing time. Therefore...I'm staying in Clemson and bringin him on home with me Friday night so we don't have a repeat of last year with him stranded by himself in the deserted campus, it was incredibly sad.

In other ridiculous Clemson news: Parking services gave me a ticket. Oh but wait, I parked in the right spot, as I always do..and have done every school day since August. Yep...nobody here is surprised. But instead of them "waving" the ticket..I have to go through the trouble to appeal it on my own. How do you appeal a ticket for parking in the right area? Not sure. Thank you, Clemson Parking, thank you.

Jeni Rone, a good family friend (and amazing photographer) from Charleston, came up to Clemson to snap some engagement photos in the botanical gardens where we got engaged. Here are some of my favorites:







More photos can be found at Sea Star Arts.

Way better than last year! And my little brother came! AND we got tons of apples.

Stumbled upon this picture of our dog..just when I started missing him, I was reminded of how strange he is. hahaha. Little leo.. :)

My weekends have been PACKED with plans since the start of the year. And it has been so fun. BUT, I have also been in great need of a weekend filled with....nothing. This weekend is that weekend. Last night, I purposely did not have plans. My brother came over, I cooked him dinner, and we watched TV and talked together until about 10:30.

All my roommates are gone this weekend so I have the apartment to myself (which is kinda scary but I'm not thinking about that part of it.)So this morning I woke up to no alarm, no roommate noise..just myself wanting to wake up.

I drank my coffee, watched the news, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and then had this weird desire to pre-make part of a recipe that I've been craving for dinner. I saw a different version of it on TV somewhere, but I wanted to use the ingredients I already had so I just kinda threw this salsa together into a bowl that I'm going to put over some baked chicken later. To say the least, it's filled with tomatoes, cilantro, sweet onions, green onions, bell peppers, lemon juice, and...apples. I'm not usually one of those people that takes pictures of the meals I eat, but I just may have to for this guy. It's tasting and looking pretty delicious.

Basically, this weekend is wonderful..and it's going to get even better tomorrow when we go apple picking=apple crisp and apple pie aromas are about to be all up in this place for a good while. :) And I refuse to start studying for Tuesday's exam until later on Sunday.

Chika chika yeaaaah.

This is the Southern Poverty Law Center's "Hate Map" which shows each state with the number of registered "Hate Groups." They do not show how MANY members there are per group, so for South Carolina's high group registration, there may not be as many members as there are in Indiana's 17 groups. This is crazy. If you go to the actual site, you can click on each state and see the actual lists of each group and where they are located (by city.)



"All hate groups have beliefs or practices that attack or malign an entire class of people, typically for their immutable characteristics."
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/hate-map <

I love the fall in Clemson. I don't like when the fall turns to winter, but I won't get ahead of myself..I'm going to enjoy this time away from the heat. Biking to class looking at the leaves changing..wearing sweatshirts and jeans..not walking into class dripping with sweat.. :) ahh, so good.

I especially can't wait to go apple picking again. Nothing says fall like fresh picked baskets of apples and smelling the freshly made apple cider that they make right there at the orchard. Yuuuummmmmy.

Plus, THIS fall I have an engagement party, and wedding dress shopping to look forward too. Best fall ever? I think so.

And speaking of fall, Chris and I went to the "Awaken Fall" retreat with the Resonate group from Greenville this past weekend. Two houses on the lake. five boats. tubes. sun. water. and Jesus. Lots of Jesus. We hard core dove into the Holy Spirit..or he dove into us? Both I guess. It was much needed. Amazing, indescribable worship in the attic of the house. And the greatest part was seeing my fiance worshiping next to me, complete sold out for God. Eyes closed, hands up, singing his heart out to our amazing Father. Breathtaking..I will never forget it.

Ah, for now, I guess it's just the "Chris and Jordan" blog..but my hope is that even after we're married we will be able to update this site together. I'm always obsessed with those family blogs where they continually post videos and pictures of adventures/their kids/etc.

Here we go!
Chris and Jordan

Check it out. I live in an apartment complex up at school that is exactly 3.5 miles from campus, or 4.5 miles if I take back roads. I've been driving my car back and forth every day to class which is a pain because

1)traffic is ridiculous
2)I have to leave THIRTY minutes before class starts (as opposed to waking up 15 minutes before class last year when I lived on campus..and
3)The parking lots are mostly on the outer edges of campus which means after you park, it still takes 15 minutes to walk to class (my classes are in almost the dead center of campus).

So basically, I started the 2 week hunt for a bike off of craigslist. This too was somewhat of a pain because there isn't a category for "Clemson," there's just one for "Upstate/Greenville." This means that if I got LUCKY, I'd maybe find something as close as Anderson..but that's still about 25 minutes away..and so picking it up, fitting it into the car, etc..just a hassle. Plus, I was only willing to pay about 35 or 40 dollars.
For two weeks I searched and searched, found random 30-50 dollar sales as far as Greenville, Taylors, Anderson, Spartanburg...and I almost settled on Anderson, but I just wasn't sure about that bike..it needed new tires on top of paying 30 for it, which could have put me at about 60 dollars.

I waited about two more days, and then I randomly checked craigslist again. There was a post that said
"Free bike, putting it out on the curb in front of my apartment tomorrow morning, needs some work before its ridable, first come first serve before the trash gets it."

Then I looked at the location: Clemson.
HOLLA. I didn't care what the bike looked like at that point. I emailed the guy, said I lived in Clemson too and asked if he could put it out tonight so that nobody else would get it. He said sure, put it out at 8:45, and Chris and I picked it up at about 8:47.

Okay so, this bike is LEGIT. 21 speed, looks like its in good condition, brakes work, nice bike seat..it just needed a new chain and new tubes for the tires (not even urgent..we rode it without the new tubes.) So I got a chain, Chris put it on..and this morning I took the back roads to class.

Workout: check.
Save gas: check.
Help the planet: check.
Got a SWEET bike for FREE: check plus.

I'd say it's just a win all around. I'm about to be so fit by the end of this year.

Chris and I are slammed next week with exams. Noticed this (seriously, I didn't move or place either of these) while studying together today and thought it was pretty funny.

We've been discussing and contemplating some pretty interesting doctrines in Socy lately, including Merton's Insider-Outsider Doctrine. The theory is nothing new, considering it was first written many years ago, but fascinating nonetheless. At first glance, it is easy to form an opinion on the subject, and considering the article is extremely thick..it takes a few hours to get through it fully, much less comprehend and soak Merton's analysis of society. Basically, the point is that since no individual can know all things, there is a necessary function in society of providing and exchanging knowledge about various "truths." For example, I'm not a biologist, so I have to rely on my biology teacher/text books/trusted resources to give me accurate information about things related to biology. It then goes on to conclude that because of the necessity for us to "rely" on others for information that we cannot test or attain through our own experiences, society splits into two groups; the Insiders and the Outsiders. It is possible, according to Merton, that you could be an "Insider" for multiple scenarios, and at the same time an "Outsider" for others. For instance, I would be considered an "Insider" concerning my demonination (or lack thereof), my ascribed status (upper-middle class, white), my education, etc.

At first, I quickly rejected many of Merton's claims, because while it is true that social class, race, and gender affect how you're socialized..Merton goes as far as to claim that because of "Insider-Outsider..ness," The only way to attain full awareness of any situation is to be socialized in that way. For example, according to Merton, only an African American could teach black history, otherwise it is not only biased but also inaccurate. A male biologist couldn't teach female anatomy because..he's not a female. Not only does this way of thinking limit the "truth" of the knowledge that we've already attained, but it limits our social interactions with people that are different than us.

I couldn't help but look at this from a Christian perspective, and I could see that although these ideals "seem crazy" to me, I often believe that others don't understand what I am going through because they haven't experienced where I am in life. That may have some truth to it, but it smothers others from being empathetic towards me, and it limits my desire as a Christian to "meet others where they are" without judgement or without feeling that I "won't be able to help." God puts so many different people in our paths, both so that they will be witnesses to us and so that we may be witnesses to them. These people are, more often than not, from COMPLETELY different places in life. We are called to fellowship with EVERY single person, and to believe for a second that I can only truly share "truth" regarding situations that are based solely on personal experience and ascribed statuses is both discouraging and incredibly inaccurate. This idea, in my opinion, promotes seclusion, separation, inequality, and unattainable cross-cultural experiences, or "truths," and relationships..which is pretty much a list of what I think God would NOT want our lives to encompass.

Just an idea.

Okay okay okay, I am not allowing this blog to turn into an obsession of engagement and wedding plans. However, I shouldn't feel bad about it if it does for the time being....this is a pretty big time in my life. Although, it's not the ONLY thing going on...I'll try to keep it balanced. ;) So all I will say is that I am extremely excited that we have an actual date set (and booked!) and a honeymoon set (and booked!!!!) It's all becoming more real, and awesome, and yes.

May 15th!! I think it's 256 days away? Somewhere around there.
I'll write a real non-wedding post sometime soon..

All of these are the candid ones!


Putting the ring on!

Lots of crying and hugging

Being excited, plus my soon to be brother, Tim. :)

Enjoying the moment with our friends, David and Paul (brothers).

View from when the boys left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LwpKsatutY <--the Engagement Video


Ah, the years I've dreamt about what it would be like to tell the engagement story. Little did I know that words will NEVER be able to do it justice. To answer the most popular question, yes I was surprised! If you watch the video without the story it would be hard to gather that..but I will explain to the best of my ability..

So, we decided on Monday the 16th to go out to celebrate our being together for ten months. In my mind, I had thought a lot about the engagement and had a feeling it was going to be somewhere around mid September..not really for any reason..I just had a gut feeling. So on our ten month, we planned to do dinner and then some sort of outdoor activity. Well--it POURED outside, so the outdoor part had to be 'rain checked.' That was totally fine, we ended up watching the Jungle Book. :)

On Friday, Chris mentioned that he was going to have to go back to Greenville for the day to work, and I wouldn't be able to see him till later on that night..I was sad because it was our first weekend in Clemson and wanted to spend Friday with him, but I knew he had an obligation to his work back in Greenville. At the last minute, he told me he didn't have to go home so we were going to be able to hang out. Even if I thought that we were going to be getting engaged soon (which I didn't..) I would have NEVER thought that it would be on a day that his work plans got rearranged, I was just happy that he was staying in Clemson for the day. So we hung out, played some tennis, and he casually asked me about going to dinner (not unusual.) I asked him if he wanted everyone to go and he was like "Eh, I dunno..we can just make a date out of it." SUPER casual..

We went to dinner at Brioso's (delicious)and the conversation was very very typical for us..nothing out of the ordinary. Then we walked down about a block into downtown Clemson to this little park area with some fountains. We were hugging (again, not unusual haha) and went to kiss when we noticed a mom and her little boy. We sat down for a while and waited to see if they were going to leave..but they didn't, so Chris was like "oh well, let's just go to the Botanical Gardens instead." This, again, was not unusual..we go to the Gardens all the time-in fact, we were there hammocking just before we played tennis that day. I figured the only reason we were going there was because we didn't want to disturb the little boy and his mom. (In retrospect, I guess them being there worked out for Chris ;))

So we drive to the gardens and walk around aimlessly (as usual.) We get to a certain place in the Gardens after about 20 minutes and Chris tells me to close my eyes because he has something to show me. So he covers my eyes and leads me for a couple minutes to this spot. In my head, I was thinking that this was our "rain check" from the other night, and that maybe we were going to have some kind of picnic for desert, or that he had set up a blanket and flowers for me or something.

When he uncovered my eyes, I looked around and there were fifty lit candles lining the stone walls and ground under the pergola (where months earlier we had recorded a video to keep in mine for future wedding locations). Directly under the pergola were scattered flower petals, and in front of me was my best friend down on one knee. I started sobbing immediately (feeling bad that he could barely get any words out over my crying) and then he tells me words I won't ever forget. I didn't get to see the ring (that was still in his pocket) when I fell to my knees in front of him to hug him. After a few seconds he tells me to look to my right, and there beside us was his brother, our good friend (and his roommate) Paul, Paul's brother David, our friend Anthony, and our other friend, Mark. Tim was recording us the whole time, and all the boys had on khakis and blue button down shirts. Paul brought over a bottle of wine, David brought over a bouquet of flowers, and we hugged and I cried and they continued to take pictures..

Good thing Tim was videotaping, because this experience was SO surreal..I'm glad I can watch and put the images with my memory of it. I am so thankful and blessed to be engaged to my best friend, and we are SO thankful for the support of our family and friends..and August 20th was by far the greatest day of my life. I can't even imagine what my feelings are going to be like on our wedding day!

Amazing. We are so very blessed.

Not sure what I'm feeling..so I may as well write about it. Maybe I kind of do know bits and pieces but it's been a rough couple of days. I was (and still am) so excited to be back in Clemson..but it's just been crazy I guess. First of all, yes, I am still getting used to the "post-camp" experience. It's hard for people to take this idea seriously if they haven't actually experienced it...but you get VERY used to being in an environment where everyone (for the most part) is a Christian, or at least used to talking about God on a daily basis. I feel like the main thing is that people that have experienced long amounts of time working at (or attending) camps that heavily emphasize spiritual growth and development is that you see how things COULD be in a community where every one is working to serve God and to better and encourage those around them. Ideally, if every one was living the way God intended us to live, it would look a lot like what this summer and last summer looked like. Yes, we still mess up, and it is nothing close to perfection..however when bad things DO happen or feelings ARE hurt..the way that they are dealt with are also out of brotherly and sisterly love that only comes from God.
Again, super hard to explain with words..
Basically, I tend to get too used to situations like these when I'm in them. It's hard for me to adjust going back to a community where God isn't talked about unless it is with those that are close to you.

On top of that, I got really used to living in a long distance relationship with Chris..I guess you could say that during long distance relationships you get used to this feeling of hanging out while knowing that you will be separated again soon.. For me, I always had a hard time fully enjoying each minute with Chris during the summer and last semester, because underneath it all I was always preparing my mind to have to say goodbye to him again. I am so thankful that from now on, we will never have to experience long distance again, but I haven't gotten used to not feeling this way yet. This barely makes sense to me, but it's true. I catch myself, when with him, thinking that the moment, situation, etc is going to abruptly end, even though it's not..and it puts this weird damper in my mood....I guess it's all about adjusting to change....just a very weird feeling to sort through.

And lastly, I've really been realizing that for me to make assumptions, and for other people to make assumptions about others is extremely aggrivating. I'm so guilty of making assumptions about people, situations, and things before really finding out for myself what is going on..but I didn't notice it until I started feeling the affects of someone doing it to me. It rips away any chance at being open minded to get to know somebody, because you've got your mind made up before any words have been spoken. It creates tension where tension isn't needed. It creates an environment where people have to "prove" themselves to you when in reality, nobody "owes" you anything for making these judgements in the first place. This has been a frustration of mine for YEARS. I promise that I cannot count the number of people that I have met and then later gotten to know very well have told me "when I first saw you and was introduced to you..I assumed you were going to be _____,________, or ______" and in those blanks were ALWAYS either a)a partier...b)a "man-eater"...c)one of those sorority girls...d)really high maintenance and girly. On top of those descriptions, it sucks because they are based SOLELY on the way that I look. It's definitely human nature to do this, I've done it a million times..but when people do it to me, my family, chris, mine and chris' relationship...it just frustrates the HECK out of me.

Get to know me. Heck, talk to me for 45 seconds and you'll be able to tell what I'm all about. Most of all, don't act like you have free reign to give "advice" to people who are in situations that you have never experienced in your life. Too much to ask? Nope.

It's going to be a big year. And I am so excited.

So, I'm home from camp..going through the same depression as last year..no surprise there..at least I was mentally prepared this time. Amazing year, but it's going to take me a few months again to really be able to write about it. All I know is that the "theme" in my heart this summer was definitely owning my faith..believing what I believe and knowing why I believe them..taking the foundation my parents had planted in me and really finding out why I believe these things. I realized once again the reality of what Jesus has done in my life. I rediscovered why the way Jesus lived really is the best way to live. I rediscovered my brokenness and the weaknesses that He wants to turn into good. I realized more greatly the impact of selfish behavior. I realized once again that God didn't have to reveal any part of his plan for my life to me, but he did..because He is good and just and He is love.

1. My face is ridiculous
2. Cary Murray, the Cherokee next to me..was my CHOCTAW last year. Can't believe it.
3. Approximately 3 seconds after this picture was taken I obliterated a Chickasaw. (Kidding, I don't want to get fired.) But seriously. All is fair in love and sock war.
4. My team (turquoise) represented the Queen of Hearts from this year's Alice in Wonderland themed sock war..I know..hate representing the bad guy, but....
5. Turquoise team WON. Holla. Off with their heads.

=so much different this year. Not necessarily better, definitely not worse. I definitely love my co, but I also had an amazing co last year and I would move in with her in a heartbeat if I could now. But Sarah Mckay, more recently known as "Narnar" is indescribable. We're kind of in love. And, I do love love LOVE working with the Cherokees over the Choctaws. They are so fun and there is more of an emphasis on our friendship than having to teach appropriate/inappropriate behavior with the Choctaws. It was always hard with the Choctaws being good "friend" with the girls, because if they view you as such, they lose the ability to respect your responsibilities as a counselor. We loved them for SURE, but the dynamic is just so different. :)

Not enough time to write more..I'll update soon.

I guess it's okay to post this since not too many at camp have access to it. And those that do.....shhhhh ;)

So. Today is June 23rd. My classes ended today. I'm enjoying my freedom from school for the rest of summer, and hating the fact that they are the reason I couldn't return to camp.

Next thing you know, I get a call from an unfamiliar area code. I get a voicemail and it says:
"Hey Jordan..it's Sharon (Camp Director who hired me last year) I can't really remember why you had told me that you couldn't come back to camp this year, but we have one, maybe two staff positions open that need to be filled for the rest of camp..."

I'm pretty sure the voicemail continued, but at that point I ran out of my room, through the kitchen where I slurred some random words to my mom about "GOING TO CAMP" and then called Sharon on the ASAP. I told her to tell me about the voicemail and she said that unfortunately, a staffer needed to leave after the first session (Camp runs for four, 2 week session) because of things back home. I then freaked out in excitement and let her know that this is insane because my classes ended TODAY.

So, she sent me the contract..and off I go, frantically packing my life away in only 2 days.

Best. Thing. Ever.

And trust me, I'm going to miss my family, our family vacation, the freedom to see Chris on a more frequent basis...but this was SO God, and all summer I've been bombarded with 2010 Camp pictures that keep popping up on my facebook news feed...containing pictures of all of my friends, co-counselor from last year, crazy activities, and it made me so SO sick seeing them every day.

So there you have it. Saturday I'll be moving into my cabin, and only had to miss out on one session! I knew it couldn't be the end.



And to Chris,
You're support and encouragement still amazes me. I am so sad for the opportunities that we are going to have to postpone..I'm going to miss your guts SO BAD. ;) You are the most amazing man I have ever known and the fact that I'll be living EVEN closer to you at camp makes me so happy. I love you so much! Oh, and, don't forget that I'm bringing my computer up there (which I didn't last year..) so that's just another way we can communicate! :) I'll be blowing UP your email inbox just fyi. :) Thank you thank you THANK you for everything you do for me. We are surely going to make the most out of every SECOND of my time off. Get ready. <3

Ive had this urge lately to examine myself and my role in entering social work. Students that study sociology, for the most part encompass all, or most of these qualities:
1)huge hearts
2)desire to change lives in positive way
3)learn to function more efficiently as a society
4)end world hunger and make sure all babies are adopted into middle class, mentally stable, diverse yet comfortable, homes. (haha. no, its true.)

So then, I talked with a teacher of mine about this frustration that I have-with myself. The thing is, I've always noticed this trait of mine. Almost every problem, issue, controversial topic that exists, I could write a passionate and epic novel about siding on the left side, and then I could turn around and do the same for the right side. It's not indecision, it's open-mindedness to the point of extremity. As a Christian, the only thing in the world that I am absolutely one sided on is Jesus. That's it. Now, that's not a bad thing (in my mind) but my teacher explained that she too, feels the same way. She said it is the curse of the mind of a sociologist. So then, to better explain in a way that I can't, I stumbled upon this passage about just this topic! (How convenient.) So here it is, in better words than I could come up with..especially the last paragraph.

"WHAT IS PROBLEMATIC about morality in sociology? The answer is nothing, or lots, depending on what and how morality is built into sociology.

At a general level, being moral means no more and no less than supporting or opposing people, activities or things. It is equivalent to valuing or disvaluing, preferring or disliking, justifying or damning, or just being interested in an active way. In this sense, morality is ubiquitous, and hence sociology, like all other social activities, is unavoidably moral. Why would anyone practice sociology if they did not value it or have an interest in it?

The issue, then, is not whether sociology can, or should, be value-free--this is a strategy that sets up a false dichotomy as a prelude to forcing a choice that disvalues enquiry and leaves room for moralising--but what kind of morality, what set of values, is at work: do sociologists value the ethos of enquiry and allow it to drive their work, or do they bring values to sociology that are incompatible with this ethos?

Sociologists rarely lay out this clash of values for inspection because they don't want to put themselves in a position where they have to choose between them; they want to think of themselves as enquirers while at the same time promoting values that are antithetical to the ethos of enquiry. This wanting things both ways pervades sociology."

I want things both ways, everything..both ways. Why? Because then everyone is happy and the result is peace. Doesn't conflict arise when one person wants one thing and the other wants something else? So then it makes perfect sense as to why God made me this way. This constant struggle of being so completely passionate about two opposing ideas....

One day my head is going to explode from this kind of stuff. Seriously.

I got a job. (THANK GOD.) It pays higher, no tax taken, and I get to people watch all day. Win.

It depresses me because it's in the mall, I get to watch people walk around aimlessly spending money on clothes and things they don't need, and I can't comprehend that type of lifestyle. Lose.

So, I was working for this company for my not-so-serious summer job, when without telling us, the lease ended and the plans for renewing the lease were...yep..not happening. Little did I know this information, and considering I had been with the company for about three years, I assumed they would at least tell me so I could start looking for another job sooner than JUNE.

We all know what happens when we assume.

So, I have officially been affected by the terrible economy that hadn't affected me personally until just now. I realize that while summer jobs aren't that serious, it did come at a very inconvenient time considering I was trying to save extra money to pay for wedding festivities this coming up year. I officially can't imagine what it would be like to lose an ACTUAL job that supports an entire family. This also makes me realize how little I've been depending on God for any part of my "income." Since I made hardly any income as it is (minimum wage) I never really thanked God for the opportunity to work that job in the first place. Now I don't have it, am not making ANY money at all at the moment, and wondering how I'm going to have any 'extra' money next year at all.

Through prayer and talking to Chris, I am trying to settle my anxiousness, and my terrible attitude that I'm pretty sure my mom is getting tired of...
Chris told me something so simple yet so uplifting and reminded me that I "have to remember that no money I will ever make is going to affect my eternal life, but the way I respond to these situations could." AKA, stop being an idiot, and start trusting God like I am supposed to be doing.

I look at Chris' attitude about anything he earns, and then at how God has blessed his business...and that in itself is reason for me to count my blessings, I get to spend my life with my best friend..and what a solid man in Christ he is..no amount of money could outshine that blessing, especially a silly summer job.

"To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful "magic skills" that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition."

I've always known that scents are one of the most powerful resources in jogging specific memories of past experiences. It's like wherever you are, in whatever situation you're in, the scents around you label themselves with every specific detail of your life at that exact moment, and then they etch themselves forever into your soul for you to discover at later times. This phenomenon led me to experience one of the most nostalgic moments that I've had in a very long time. I happened to be at work, and went to use the restroom, and then went to wash my hands. The soap looked like normal liquid soap that you would see in any bathroom. I started to wash my hands and suddenly, I was flooded with memories of elementary school, before fourth grade (I know this because fourth grade was in a trailer, and we didn't have that kind of soap in there.) It had to be third grade or below. I envisioned my classroom, my desk, the rack of coat hangers on the wall that served as backpack holders, and even the "pod" of classrooms that surrounded mine. And of course, the bathroom, where I washed my hands with the very same brand of soap, fourteen plus years ago.

I feel that as I continue to grow older, I can see how various phases and experiences in my life are touched by God, and how certain aspects of life in their truest forms are really just meant to mirror God's love for us. For instance, my parents and I, and the design of a parent child relationship. And Chris and I, and the design of the groom and the bride, etc. On such a very small, flawed, and unworthy scale...these things that are such giant aspects of our lives, are the imperfect analogy of something so much bigger. Everything is so connected and interwoven that it becomes so very difficult to separate God from what we perceive to be "our" lives, or God from science, or God from anything for that matter. Donald Miller makes a few remarks about things like this because for a while, he 'worked' at this extremely highly intellectual and "Godless" University. He found that arguing with too-intelligent-for-their-own-good individuals was always a mute point as related to the religion of "Christianity" because of the corruption, hypocrisy, and contradictions that go along with this title that is so thrown around in our culture. However, Miller started making a point to substitute the Christian label with "I follow Jesus." History tells us Jesus was real, so intellectuals cannot stop there. I see a huge difference in people that are Christians, and those that follow Jesus. To even make the claim that you follow Jesus is setting your life up to look very different than the lives of lukewarm Christians, and for Jesus followers, our relationships with those around us should reflect (although very imperfectly,) God's character, and the relationships of and between the Trinity. By establishing this difference, it should be absolutely impossible to disregard the complexity of God's purpose and plan for each relationship, situation, and experience in our lives. So I don't know about you, but I follow Jesus.

To end with a quote from D. Miller, "...Sure, there is some data involved, but mostly it is this deep, deep conviction......this idea that life is about this thing, and it really isn't an option for it to be about something else."

I've been reading Blue Like Jazz for the second time. I read it the first time a few years ago, and it almost seems like a brand new book to me now because of where I am in life that I hadn't been before. The things that I passed over pretty quickly the first time are really hitting hard, and I'm loving the book even more than I already did. I wanted to put some portion of the text on here, but I have marked down so many amazing passages that it was hard to narrow it down. So trust me, this is just one of the MANY amazing parts of the book..read it if you haven't, and read it again if you have!

"I suppose what I wanted back then is what every Christian wants, whether they understand themselves or not. What I wanted was God. I wanted tangible interaction. But even more than that, to be honest, I wanted to know who I was. I felt like a robot or an insect or a mysterious blob floating around the universe. I believed if I could contact God, He would be able to explain who and why I was. The days and weeks before a true commitment to Jesus can be terrible and lonely. I think I was feeling bitter about the human experience. I never asked to be human. Nobody came to the womb and explained the situation to me, asking for my permission to go into the world and live and breathe and eat and feel joy and pain. I started thinking about how odd it was to be human, how we are stuck inside this skin, forced to be attracted to the opposite sex, forced to eat food and use the rest room and then stuck to the earth by gravity.
I think maybe I was going crazy or something. I spend an entire week feeling bitter because I couldn't breathe underwater. I told God I wanted to be a fish. I also felt a little bitter about sleep. Why do we have to sleep? I wanted to be able to stay awake for as long as I wanted, but God had put me in this body that had to sleep. Life no longer seemed like an experience of freedom....[a bit later]
I see it now. I see that God was reaching out to Penny, and I see that the racism Laura and I talked about grows from the anarchy seed, the seed of the evil one. I could see Satan lashing out on the earth like a madman, setting tribes against each other in Rwanda, whispering in men's ears in the Congo so that they rape rather than defend their women. Satan is at work in the cults of the Third World, the economic chaos in Argentina, and the corporate-driven greed of American Corporate executives.
I lay there under the stars and thought of what a great responsibility it is to be human. I am a human because God made me. I experience suffering and temptation because mankind chose to follow Satan. God is reaching out to me to rescue me. I am learning to trust Him, learning to live by His precepts that I might be preserved." -Donald Miller, author

Really good sermon by Mark Driscoll about prayer. I highly recommend watching the full sermon if you have time (just a little over an hour,) but here is a two minute short from the full sermon. I know you have two or three minutes if you have the time to read my silly little blog ;)

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/pray-like-jesus/pray-like-jesus/pray-short

Mandy wanted me to paint her "something pirate" so I did this...wish my my phone's camera was better so the details were shown :( but oh well, this was so fun to paint! haha

Someone very dear to my heart that I fell in love with at camp is named Amelia. She is pretty much the true meaning of a soul sister to me, and even though we haven't kept up like we should recently..I think about her every day. Mainly because she carved this amazing piece of wood for me that is hanging on my wall and is one of the first things I see when I wake. Anyways, she wrote this recently and I just love it....I guess you could say it is her reflection looking back on her first year of college. If only everyone could be so insightful so early on. Enjoy.

"1) There is a lot I don't know.

2) Even the things I think I know about, well I don't actually know that much about.

3) Wikipedia has changed the world.

4) Literacy is about as necessary as food, water and shelter.

5) Pride is not just something the prideful deal with.

6) Pride destroys.

7) Neither formal education or experience should ever be elevated over the other. Both are of equal importance and equal value. However; both can be invalidated if you don't make use of them.

8) A lot of things I've always considered 'wrong' have more to do with stylistic preference than ethics.

9) There is a fundamental difference between the things you believe because you've been told to believe and those that you actually believe because you believe them. Jesus asks Peter in Matthew who Peter says Jesus is? Jesus doesn't care what others have said. He only wants to know who Peter says He is. Later in John Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. Peter responds automatically. Jesus asks again. Peter responds again. Jesus asks yet a third time, changing the kind of love He is questioning. Peter gets sassy and says with extra emphasis yes. Presupposing the supremacy of Jesus as God you would think that Jesus already knew the answers to all those questions but he asks them anyway. If this is the assumption we can also assume that the inquiry of Jesus was more for Peter to develop a further understanding of his own belief than for Jesus to affirm Himself. There comes a time in every individual`s life where they address those same questions whether they acknowledge it or not. I thought I knew who I thought Jesus was. Then I realized that if I really believed Jesus was anointed my life would look a lot different. The move towards that is happening. Digesting deep, spiritual truth is not glamorous. Sometimes I say it hurts like Hell. But really, I don't really know what Hell actually feels like so when I say it hurts like Hell I actually mean "it hurts like what I would think Hell would feel like."

10) I always knew music was powerful. But furthermore, it heals. Seriously. If you don't know what I'm talking about you aren't listening to the right stuff."


Beautiful. I love you, Amelia

but missing you already, as usual! Love you so much, Chris!

How often I forget that statement. You could say that today was a day filled with coincidences and chance, and that the universe was perfectly aligned for my benefit--but 1)I don't deserve for ANYTHING to be aligned for my benefit, and 2) the older that I get, I realize even more that believing in the fate of "chance" not only takes a jab at God's perfectly planned blueprint of life, but it lessens the enormity of the fact that He IS sovereign. He is. And thank...well..GOD that He is sovereign, because what a mess life would be if that were not true.

What a mess I am, imperfect, impure, and unworthy..and still You take perfect care of me. I love you so much, Lord. SO MUCH.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. – Romans 1:20

This verse reminds me of my philosophy class and the ongoing debate of God verse science. It's never been that way for me. Science can only exist because God exists and has always existed and engineered the world so perfectly. If we are made in God's image, and he made scientists, engineers, etc..then how can they "prove" to themselves that there is no God..they think they outsmarted him with their scientific findings? Don't they realize that anything they could possibly discover or invent is only because God made them that way? Everything is too perfectly engineered to be "by chance" or purely science.

Yes, that was the name of the magazine article I read the other day about the hardships of older people that are diagnosed with incurable or hard to treat illnesses. I won't get into the complete story, but the main synopsis is that an "acceptable" solution is becoming divorce for these couples. The article centered itself around a man and a wife where the husband was diagnosed with dementia. They were not wealthy, and since "continuing to pay for treatment would eventually put her (the wife) on the street, divorce was the best option." They were married for 44 years. Nothing disturbs me more than reading stuff like this. They didn't even write this as if it were a terrible thing. The best way you can express your love to someone is by loving them THROUGH the hard times, through their sickness, through their expensive disease or illness treatments. You could not pay me an INFINITE amount of money to walk away from Chris, and we aren't even married yet. What if my dad just walked out on my mom when she had her breast cancer, or if she walked out on his heart disease..it makes me sick to think about. For anyone out there that thinks this is okay, I hope that in your vows on your wedding day you will leave out "in SICKNESS and in health, until DEATH do us part," because i'm getting sick and tired of hearing that divorce is okay, not a big deal, and perfectly acceptable. Cases of infidelity with no chance for recovery is the ONLY way this should even become an option. And only an option after every thing else was attempted to recover the marriage. Our generation better start changing this terrible divorce rate. Your wedding day is not a celebration of your love at that moment. It is a public declaration, contract, and PROMISE in front of everyone there and God that you will be loving, caring for, and supporting that person 5, 10, 20, 50 years from that second. Until DEATH separates you. UGH.

I could write my name by the age of three
And I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes..
It'll take more than a breeze to make me
Fall over..fall over..fall overboard.

With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, heard his cry and saw how he died, he said, “Surely this man was the Son of God.”

My mom will be so proud because yes, I did block out the meeting locations and sections so that you crazies can't stalk me. Haha, kidding. At least I hope so...

Super pumped about the Marriage and Intimacy class. Not so pumped about statistics, but what can ya do.

...about Mat Kearney and Ingrid Michaelson tomorrow night.

..and seeing the Shadrach's on Sunday.

...and EASTER.

..and then counting down to spend the weekend with my boy.

I think it's going to be a good couple weeks.

Tim Burton is my favorite director/writer/producer...I know, I'm not some weird, dark, emo type person, but he's genius and ridiculously imaginative. Anyways, it seems that people either love him or hate him (he has had 16 Oscar nominations for all you hatas out there..)--never the less, I found this (negative) parody and still thought it was funny:

Oh, and good news (for me and all you Tim Burton lovers..) His 2013 project is the Wizard of Oz. Can't. Wait.

Tim Burton FAVES:
1)Edward Scissorhands
2)Big Fish
3)Alice in Wonderland
4)Sweeney Todd
5)Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
6)Beetlejuice (Remember that one!? Classic.)

And for the record..No, he did not do Coraline. Can't stand that movie.

Bridge Run was a success! My legs are extremely sore.

Lessons learned:

Take training more seriously next year.
(At least I now have a time-goal in mind, though I'm not too disappointed with my time this year....mostly because of the next lesson learned....)

Try to avoid camping out the night before. We were supposed to stay at a house, but circumstances changed and we camped out at James Island in hammocks. SUPER fun, SUPER comfortable...but not necessarily ideal pre-10k run.

Be more aggressive when it comes to slow people.
I was a bit too lenient with the runners in the way..I mean there are 40,000 of them. I could have cut a lot of time off if I had not waited for the "best" opportunities to slide into wholes in the crowd. Gotta just push through.


It was so fun though!! I'm so glad we camped, even with what I said up there. The jungle child in me can't seem to resist a good sleep under the open sky. I SO wish I had gotten around to seeing a lot of people I haven't seen in a while from back home (Emma, Michael and Dan, various Holy Cross-ers...) But it was also nice to get to stick with the Tate family.

Next time I'm down there I'm makin' the rounds! ;)

Oh Sigur Ros, how I love you and your sweet melodies.

Hahaha!!-If you don't enjoy Jake and Amir, don't go to this link. If you do like them, or just clicked that out of curiosity..and it made you chuckle, then check out this one!! (So fittingly entitled, "Jordan.")

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi promised that we would find out what is in the health care reform bill after it passed. And, true to her promise, certain provisions are now coming
to light, including one that exempts certain Congressional staff.

According to the Hotline, Congressional staff who work for committees or leadership offices are specifically exempt from the mandates imposed by health care reform to enroll in government provided health care reform plans.

"Leaving out committee staffers means aides at the 24 standing House committees and the 20 Senate panels will each be exempted as well, if CRS's interpretation of the measure stands."

Members of Congress and the personal staff for members of Congress are still subject to the mandates. The interesting thing about the "oversight" for leadership and committee staff is that there are some of the same people who actually wrote the bill in the first place."

One such surprise is found on page 158 of the legislation, which appears to create a carveout for senior staff members in the leadership offices and on congressional committees, essentially exempting those senior Democrat staffers who wrote the bill from being forced to purchase health care plans in the same way as other Americans.

“It’s pretty unbelievable that the President and his closest advisors remain untouched by the reforms they pushed for the rest of the country. In other words, President Obama’s health care reform won’t apply to President Obama,” Grassley said. “Last December, the effort to apply any new law to administration political leaders was rejected by the Senate Majority Leader. But there’s no justification for the double standard, and I’ll continue to work to establish fairness.”

1. My glasses-I forget how helpful they actually are until my head starts hurting from straining my eyes all the time because I don't wear them enough.

2. Water- I know, i'm not trying to get all environmentalist on ya souls..but if I were to have an alter ego, it would probably be an environmentalist hippie (not liberal though, sorry) Actually though, in all seriousness, at heart I do have a strong passion for countries without clean water (and the 4,000 children that die a day from not having it) so we'll see how that plays out in my future. ;) (Chris, we might need to build some wells somewhere.) Everyone should watch Summit on the Summit where a group climbs Mt. Kilimanjaro to bring awareness to the issue in parts of Africa. I don't drink water enough even though it's free, clean, and effortless to get a hold of.

3. The kind, gentle-hearted, yet protectiveness of my boyfriend-It's hard to not "expect" certain behaviors from the people you love once you get to know how they operate. Recently though i've tried to really be thankful for all of the little things he does for me that I take for granted, especially from long distances away. He really is my best friend and the kindest, most caring person I know.

4. My littlest brother-Since we are so far apart in age, I was at the end of high school and starting college away from home when he was really getting to the age where he has his distinct and more mature personality. (By mature I mean he's only in 5th grade, but the boy is awesome.) Lately i've been running the dam with him roller blading by my side--and he provides hilarious conversations on a pretty strenuous four mile run. It's not like talking to other 5th graders where you have to keep asking questions to keep the conversation going..he's just fun to be around.

These are just a few..trust me, there are more. It's nice to think about these things every now and again...get things back in perspective.

So heaven meets earth
like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way
He loves us, oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves.

I've always liked journaling. (Hence the blog, I suppose..) But also hand-written journaling. I have a few journals, I never seem to completely finish them from font to back, but my favorite journal is my leather bound prayer journal. I started it while at camp this past summer and it's pretty strictly for prayers and or song lyrics having to do with God. Occasionally i've put in some random thoughts that aren't specifically directed towards God, but for the most part they are.

Just now after writing in it, I went back through it and realized that every prayer that was in there had been answered. I mean, I can look back in my head and see how God has brought change into my life, but have you ever thought about the SPECIFIC, detailed prayers?? I feel so unworthy considering I took the time to write out these prayers to Him and then hadn't even taken the time to really really think about how He's moved in my life. Not to mention, it's not like I knew or expected when writing them that they would be blessed, especially that quickly..not because I don't have faith that God will, but that I just was so consumed in my own life that I couldn't see past what I was going through during the moments that I wrote them.

Re-reading them just now felt as if God was in my ear saying "Look, not only did I answer one of these, I answered them ALL. Every single one." From now on, I want to make a way bigger effort to remember that these good things that happen are blessings, not "life happenings" that can be disregarded and taken for granted. God DOES answer.

I just realized (again) that i'm going to spend the rest of my life with you, and I got SO excited. OH MY GOSH.

I miss Tumblr's dashboard/blogging features. Fighting myself not to switch back. I won't. Because i'm lazy, but it's so tempting. Hypothetically that is..because it's not actually going to happen.

I'm SO excited to go back to Clemson in the fall and to graduate with the major/minor i'm graduating with. I remember a few years back when I wasnt sure what to major in...I took so many of those aptitude/career tests (the legit ones through school) just to get an idea. Every time my list came up with the same things: Artist, teacher, actor, social worker, counselor, artist.

All of those things sound wonderful to me. Obviously when I was younger, the art and the acting appealed to me most, but as I began my college career in art (I was smarter than to pursue the acting portion..for my future's sake) I was essentially feeling like I was putting work into something that was going to be a dead end path when I graduated. Don't get me wrong--I personally know people who have greatly flourished as artists..but as much as I love art, I started to not love art. I started to not appreciate it like I used to. It became a "job" and there was so much pressure to perform not in the ways that you would like to, but in the ways where you thought you'd get the best grade from the professor because of HIS/HER taste..not your own. I worked with a LOT of talented students, and I think the world of them...but I just feel like I need something more stable when it comes to a career.

I got my first real taste of counseling this past summer at Camp Crestridge, I've talked about it so many times, but I really felt that God had me there for a huge reason. Being able to mentor and counsel girls from ages 7 to 18 was both challenging, emotionally difficult, and the best experience i've ever had. Whether I made some small difference in one girl's life, or positively affected 30 of them..it was so worth it.

I remember being younger, and my mom sitting down with me on multiple occasions to tell me that when I listen to my friend's problems, I can't let it affect me as much as it did. I used to get so upset when they were going through hard times, I would literally empathize so greatly with them that it hindered me from my own problems sometimes...now, that was not a great quality in my younger years, but i've learned that there are times when it's been a blessing. After much prayer, and eliminating art and acting off my "list," I thought of teaching..but my heart just isn't in it. I would enjoy it i'm sure, but I wouldn't love it.

I decided that these qualities growing up, my personality, and my experience this summer, and LOTS of prayer...were pointing me to major in sociology. So that's what i'm doing-more specifically Sociology with a concentration in social services and a minor in psychology.

Social work and counseling, hopefully with either youth or in rehabilitation centers, is SO exciting for me. And with the minor in psychology i'll be able to stay more in the clinical aspects of social work. After 3+ years of being hesitant about what it is i'm in school for, i'm finally so happy and so ready to think more in depth about life and work after college. HUGE answered prayer. Thank you, Jesus!!

Tatersoup,
The best way to make it is with two 'taters..if ya let 'em cook long enough they are able to fuse into one big 'tater that can't be separated. But if you must, you can make tatertots out of em..but only three or four, because any more than 6 can get messy...
But not matter what you make outta them,
you can't forget the tatersalad..
'cause tatersoup and tatersalad are so similar but so very different. Yet they compliment each others delightful tastes oh so well.

[hahahaha<3]

I was sitting in bed, close to bed time, when a huge greenish blue beetle flew at me (quite furiously) for no good reason. (Mom, if you're reading this, we have huge greenish blue alien beetles that look as though they flew out of Avatar.) Anyways, for some reason, when stuff like that happens close to bedtime (this is not a common occurrence I might add..we don't have a bug infested home..) I have this thought that if it's flying in my room around my bed, there must be more of them. Therefore, as I crawled in bed to go to sleep, I realized that I can't sleep. Because I think there might be beetles in my bed. Alien beetles at that. I guess it's better than a spider, right? Nope, yeah I know, that was my first thought too, but then I was like..well we all KNOW what spiders do, they bite you and crawl around and chances are it's not poisonous if it's in your house around these parts, but this foreign alien-like bug is so mysterious that I have no earthly IDEA what it is capable of. I mean think about it..it entered in and flew STRAIGHT at me like I was some intruder in his territory. Looks like I just made "it" a "he.." which means he's even MORE furious because HE's probably the man-warrior-alien-beetle. For all I know, he could have venomous fangs and razor blade wings. AHHHHHHHHH. Do you see what i'm going through right now. Just terrible. Off to sleep...or not.

I watched Where the Wild Things Are the other night with Chris, (I know, a bit late..) and i'm not sure why everyone (that I talked to) didn't like it. I pretty much loved it, which is why i'm writing about it. It was definitely dark, but the original story is dark. I think what I liked most about it, was that although my childhood was much different than Max's, I still felt the same things that he felt. So much of growing up for me was this painful, confusing, overwhelming experience..not as much because of what was going on around me..but a lot because I was my own worst enemy...and the smallest thing (or biggest thing) would just make me feel so out of control. I didn't want my igloo to be stomped on. He gets to meet the Wild Things, and relates especially with Carol, who is much like a huge and more disastrous version of himself. Carol almost becomes the "Max" from the beginning of the story, where Max becomes his mom, trying to restore order into a broken life (but still making mistakes.) But those moments when he just gets that look in his eyes like everything inside of him just wants to explode...it's so easy to relate. There have been many moments where I recall wanting to run down the street just yelling, growling, howling at everything that passes me by. And like the moral of the book, we all just want to be "where someone loves us best of all."There may be some kind of correlation of my love for this movie and my life thus far, more specifically-this day at camp last summer. Haha.

Can't wait to be back.

Colossians 3:20-21
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

*I am not referring to anybody's parents, especially mine!! This is just something I had a discussion about with my lovely and it is something to think about. To "embitter" literally means to be bitter or resentful towards. So, lets say a parent-child was based on such a thing from a parent...is it still right to obey them in areas where this is happening? I'm talking about matters of opinion, not right and wrong. If your parents tell you to wash the dishes, of course you should obey them. But let's say you are debating over majoring in a certain area, and you were embittered by them and strongly pushed in a certain direction..would it be displeasing to the Lord to choose the other way? These types of situations make me wonder where a child can draw the line between disobedience in the Lord's eyes and making the right decision for themselves where the opinion of the parents is different. (And different in a way that is not defined as 'sinful' or 'unbiblical'..just a different choice.)

Where is the balance between being a servant of God and being in earthly relationships? First corinthians says the infamous: Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Today I wasn't patient, I wasn't kind, I did insist on my own way, and I was most definitely irritable and resentful.

So then, when we resolve conflicts in our lives...doesn't this mean that nobody is really 'right' and nobody is really 'wrong'? Or does it mean that this anger and hurt feelings are not valid? I believe that they are. How am I supposed to live those words out and at the same time resolve conflicts where I feel that there IS a definite right and wrong. Why are the little things never clear. I'm not supposed to go murder someone, that's obvious. But when a situation deeply upsets me, but can be looked at completely different from another person in a not upsetting way...what do you do...

feels like a lose lose, unresolvable situation that is going to force one of the people in the relationship to suck it up and deal with it while the other barely has to compromise. maybe this isn't accurate..but it sure seems that way.

Since childhood, i've (not kidding when I say this..) always thought for a brief moment when walking through an automatic door.."man, what if this thing didn't open..I would probably just keep walking.." It's been this private little random thought that exists only in those times where I spend those few seconds walking into big stores or malls..just a silly thought that's there for a second and forgotten the next. But we put so much faith in automatic doors..just sayin'.

Think about it..it's not like you see people coming to a complete halt before continuing on their way as it gracefully slides open..we keep our pace, believing that these doors are going to serve their purpose in these technologically advanced times.

Yesterday, thanks to Target, this daydream of mine became a reality. Yes, the auto-door failed, and I ran into it.

And this is how small pointless daydreams turn into reality and then slide into day to day anxieties. Do you think my automatic door experiences from this point on will ever be the same? No, no they will not.

My assignment:

Through Immanuel Kant's work (The Good Will and Duty), explain how Kant proves that religion and Gods don't exist.

1)proves? yeah right.
2)God..s? Ain't no plural.

Just one..and He's a baller.

We(the majority of us anyway)asked if we could respectfully disagree in our paper..and he said yes, as long as we back our junk up (at least he said yes.)

A better topic:
Through Immanuel Kant's work, explain how he ARGUES against religion and God.

One little word makes such a huge difference.

Unattainable body images and the obsession to be without flaws........

I need to document this..for my memory's sake. Chris and I decided that since we're in a long distance relationship, the anticipation and anxiousness as it gets closer to when we get to see each other is like the worst kind of torture. However, once it's the day before..we just start freaking out. We came to the conclusion that the day before is like Christmas eve..except way better..like..can barely fall asleep, can't concentrate on any one task, etc. So the day of arrival is like Christmas..except since it's usually in the evening once we are reunited..it's like Christmas eve on crack because we know we get to see each other but we still have to wait practically the whole day.
So 2 days ago was the "eve." I posted on his facebook "CHRISTMAS EVE!!" in a completely silly joking way..(we know..we're retarded.) he writes back...

"Twas the night before The One, when the whole apartment was numb.
Everything was in silent anticipation for when she would come.

The ingredients for Chex Mix™ and banana [buh-nan-uh] bread were spared,
That the deliciousness of the final product could soon be shared.

Visions of being locked with those bright, keen eyes
Realities of hugging Pure Joy, confined by arm ties."

(Chris, I know you're going to read this..I hope you won't be embarrassed hahaha)
But seriously, I must say, it was just so adorable..that it needed to be documented.
I love you SO much! :)

Also, "Christmas Day" was complete bliss. We giggled and stared at each other for like 3 hours until we were able to compose ourselves and act like normal human beings.

I was reading in Phillippians..more specifically, chapter 1 verse 21. Let me just show you what happened.

Paul writes:
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

I skimmed over this..and kept reading, but quickly went back. I've read this little verse a million times. But for some reason I reread it over and over again. You could say, man that's a pretty cool verse..Christ is life, and death means heaven for eternity..and then move on. But put it into context...

Paul is chillin' "in chains" because of the whole false accusation situation after he cast a demon out of this girl. So check it out, he's spreading the gospel, traveling around, casting out DEMONS..(no big deal). So now he's in big trouble. He's awaiting trial.. [pause] Let's take a minute to talk about Roman imprisonment. typically you are stripped naked, whipped with a rod or whip, then left bleeding in rusty chains. K, so Paul dealt with this physical abuse back when Acts was written, and now he may be on house arrest (but still imprisoned) and writing to Phillipi. At this point, Paul doesn't know what exactly is going to happen to him. And this is what gets me....

Lets say, I go outside today, and somehow, somewhere..I'm talking about Jesus, and someone who gets offended straight up shoots me. Doesn't kill me..but wounds me. This is highly unlikely, but hypothetically, once i'm "healed" how likely is it that i'm going to openly talk about Jesus anywhere I go...and if I do talk about him, will it be out of joy? Or would I feel "obligated" as a Christian? Get where I'm going with this?

As a prisoner under Roman rule, Paul could be beaten to death at any moment. But he's sitting here writing, quite literally, For living to me means simply "Christ", and if I die I should merely gain more of him. If you keep reading in Phillippians after that, it says that he is literally "torn" between wanting to live and wanting to die to be with Christ. [Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far, but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.....so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.] I can't help but think that if I were in Paul's situation i'd be thinking look, God..i'm happy to do your work..but please take me to meet you, I have suffered enough.

Paul is torn between living as a prisoner and dying to be with Jesus. He's saying that by dying he will be gaining MORE of Christ..which implies that by living (imprisoned) he's still experiencing a whole heck of a lot of Christ (and joy for that matter) to even be able to compare his current life with heaven and eternity.

This is freakin' awesome.
I want to be able to say that my life=Christ (even if beaten, harrassed, and abused)...and to die=heck, even better. How many Christians feel this way!?!? Not many....not me. This is my new prayer...I want life to equal Christ and nothing else.