18 weeks, 3 days

Confession: I got scared the other day because ELLIE and I wanted to feel the baby move so I drank half of a root beer (we don't drink soda except for very occasionally) and holymolies this baby went NUTS. Which is a great testament to the fact that we rarely consume sugar and also a great testament to the fact that soda does still make me feel gross.

But worth it.

I can feel that she is growing and people have been wondering how this pregnancy feels different physically from Ellie. So here it is!

Ellie was only 2 1/2 pounds when she was born which is amazingly different than an 8 pounder, however my belly measurements always were on track because of fluid and a normal growing uterus that she just didn't fill up! So yes, the physical weight was a little different, but not much. The main difference was really that her lack of size made her movements much more comfortable. A.k.a. no rib squishing or painful baby stretches.

I'm learning through THIS pregnancy, that Ellie was indeed very active, as we thought she was. Many doctors would assume before asking us that we never felt her move, but she moved a LOT. Her movements were more shifting and rolling and twisting..lots and lots of twisting, and often she would go from side to side of my belly making my belly look super lopsided.

So now I feel way more jabs. I can feel that they are more individual punches and kicks rather than rolls, but the feeling is not all that different at this point.

Other than that: I've been craving (maybe not because of pregnancy) salads. Preferably salads with a spicy kick. That could also be because its summer.

For a while there I was having an aversion to coffee. (GASP-dad.) It tasted too acidic. And then I prayed that it would not be the end of coffee for me as Ellie was the end of peanut butter--and alas--through determination and mostly the selfish desire to continue having coffee, we are back together and it feels great. I drink decaf, but because I haven't had caffeine in a while, I can feel the small amount of caffeine in it. We recently bought a two pound back of decaf that is roasted here in Charleston and it's RIDICULOUSLY YUMMY. We may have to make it a Christmas gift for all of our coffee loving friends (don't worry, the caffeinated kind.)

Speaking of Christmas-it's always on my mind because of this little one's due date and so Chris and I have declared that this Christmas we are going to deck the stinking HALLS of our home. We didn't really decorate last year because we moved here a couple weeks before Christmas. We didn't even get a tree because we spent Christmas Eve and Day at my parent's house. There will be pictures to document the Christmas madness. I'm all about it.

And so now the dilemma: do we make this baby a Christmas stocking? She's due two days before Christmas and if I make one I'm going to fill that bad boy up. But if she's due after Christmas her first Christmas won't technically be until a year later. Who am I kidding-I'm going to make one.

Okay. That is all.

I've failed to mention in my update posts how proud and impressed I am with Chris for working so much and so hard lately. We've been largely absent from a lot of weekend things/random funtivities because of his INSANE work schedule right now. He let me know that a lot of people have tried to get in touch with him lately and he feels so so so bad he hasn't been able to give people the attention and love they deserve!

So here's the situation-Chris normally will have a very very dreamy nurse's schedule of 3 twelve hour shifts a week with four days off. His days off are NOT regular. They will always be sporadic. So he doesn't necessarily always have weekends off, in fact..he has to work two weekends of every month. So when we say we can't always commit to weekly schedules, that's why. The reason I try and stick with him on his schedules is that his "12 hour" shifts are never really 12 hour shifts, they are ALWAYS 12.5 if not 13 or 14. So if I were to leave without him to attend things or hang out with friends, he would have to come home and cook and eat alone after his super long work day. We try to stick together in that so I can serve that hard working man on those long days. When he gets home, dinner is usually ready or almost ready, and we eat and then he literally has to get his stuff ready for the next day and go to sleep so he has enough energy to make it through those shifts. We're usually done eating dinner around 9pm! (Or later if he had a crazy day and can't get home that soon.)

A couple months ago, Chris agreed to sign up to help with the hospital wide switch to a new electronic medical records program. This was a big stinking deal in this hospital! It takes a lot of work, time, training, and HELP. He offered to be that help at the sacrifice of a lot lot lot LOT of free time. So basically, instead of 3 days a week of crazy long hours, he works 5 of them. He gets into the hospital at 7am and leaves anywhere around 8pm for five days out of the week, and again, the weeks are not Monday through Friday, which makes for tricky work weeks. For instance-he recently worked EIGHT of these shifts in a row, because of how the two weeks fell together. So, you see, if you find that Chris has been MIA--I can attest to the fact that he HAS been MIA working his booty off. Eight of those shifts in a row is killer.

This obviously makes getting in touch with people problematic. We don't want to call friends/family late at night, and Chris is all about calling friends and family when he has enough time to offer them--something he can't do when he has to get to sleep.

I know there are people out there who DO work crazy hours Monday through Friday all the time, all year long, and don't necessarily get payed for all those long days, and I applaud you. There are sometimes when I wish that his schedule was more solid so that we could commit to more weekend and mid-week things, but you get the point.

The great news is that the insane schedule ends THIS WEEK! Yes! That's right! We're in the home stretch. And then he'll go back to having a social life!

So thank you for being patient with him/us in this season of working overtime. Text that man and tell him he's a stud. He is really the most hard working and disciplined man I've ever met, and he is SO eager to serve and he is SO sad when he misses out with friends and family. So send him some love and celebrate the end of this time with us. :)

It happened! I FINALLY found a prenatal vitamin that doesn't make me feel like death. The overwhelming majority of people told me to try out gummies. So i got the PreNatal kind with the backup plan of getting regular gummie vitamins and supplementing the other vitamins that I need. But, alas, they work and they taste better and Chris wants to eat them. Success! Thank you all for your suggestions.

Also-we have a name for our baby girl. Let me first remind you of how Ellie's name came about. We believe that naming children is a big deal. It's sort of a big deal in scripture annnddd how can you argue with that. This is the name that they will be called for the rest of their life and meaning is super important in that. I'm all about cute and trendy names, especially more peculiar ones, but we knew it was more important for God to help us find the right one, and when that becomes priority, it seems you just know when it's right.

Ellie came to us randomly before we knew the meaning. I had never met another Ellie before and we found out it meant bright shining one a few weeks BEFORE we found out about her condition. I've talked about her name before but it couldn't have been more perfect. Her middle name, Rae, came from Rachel which means "Lamb or Sheep," which is also perfect.

That being said, I had a few names written down that I really loved for this baby..but none had stuck even though Chris and I both liked them. Chris isn't as pressed as I am about actually solidifying the name because he's good at waiting for good things. I'm impatient and I like to know.

Up until a few weeks ago, I had had so so so many dreams that this baby was a boy. Until one night I had one single dream that it was a girl, and in the dream we named her. The name in the dream was very significant, which you will find out later why, and although we didn't feel like it was a good first name for her, we decided to keep it for her middle name IF the baby was a girl.. In ALL of my dreams about boys none included names, although we did have one picked out.

We found out she was a girl and were pretty positive we knew that her middle name would be the one I dreamt about. But still no luck on the first name.

We have worship and prayer time that we go to on Wednesdays at our church, and often great revelation comes during those nights, whether on a personal level or a broader level as a group, but we focus on interceding for others, the Church, our church body, and more. I was feeling a bit under the weather (due to the vitamin madness and general pregnancy fun) so I decided to hang back and enjoy some alone time while Chris went. After he walked out the door I thought to myself, "I wouldn't be surprised if Chris gets a name one night during worship some Wednesday."

When he got home, he had heard a name, and said that he heard it during the middle of a song and it "felt right." He told me the name and, just as it happened with Ellie's name, it hit a place in my heart that none of the other names had. My eyes started to water but I didn't want to get too excited as I didn't know the meaning yet...and if it had a negative or random meaning we would have been sure that maybe it just popped in his head for some other reason.

I typed the name into my search engine, slightly nervous, and when the meaning popped up I immediately cried and showed it to Chris. There are a few different meanings of the name, depending on which origin you choose to view it by, and every single one of them is absolutely so fitting for this little one.

I would tell you the meanings..........but then you sneaky people will reverse search it. ;)

For right now, we are planning to wait until delivery to announce, because we like that better, but I didn't want to forget how the story happened. (Although I DID remember to write the general details down in my baby journal--thanks, Caroline!)

The best things happen when you surrender. In all things. And especially baby naming. People won't understand. And they may not believe you. And they may think you're crazy. But when it fits, it fits. Just look at little Elliebelle.

I place my order at the counter with two gentlemen when they notice right away that I'm pregnant.

I thought I might as well ask the whole lot of ya!

Just so you know, I'm currently sitting in the most trendy coffee shop in existence (exaggeration, but close maybe) where everything looks like pinterest and all servers are wearing flannel and black rimmed, circular glasses. Don't mind that it's July in Charleston, flannel is perfectly acceptable, if not preferred, at this particular location. I'm absolutely not a flannel hater, I own a ton of it.....but I'm currently growing a human and that equals personal heater and giving no cares at all about adding unnecessary material to my person.
Me? I'm wearing a t-shirt, shorts, no makeup, a messy bun, and chacos. My chacos DO match my shirt, for once, but that was mostly on accident. Needless to say, they still agreed to serve me in exchange for too much money and now I'm determined to steal as much internet as possible while I write this blog.
To their credit, this coffee shop is a WAY better place to write and edit photos than Starbucks...mainly because Starbucks around here is SUPER loud and crammed with people and lately Chris and I have noticed that business people are frequently using Starbucks as a place to interview potential employees? So if you try and go there to think you either have to wear headphones or listen to loud, over-confident, prospective employees sell themselves to mostly uninterested business people. ..one after another. Stress.
So thank-you, trendy coffee shop, for your chill, low-key music that I've never heard of before and for your stained concrete floors and your pinteresty rustic walls built with reclaimed wood from old anthropology stores or something.

Speaking of not fitting in, my life lately has been a lot of running errands, grocery shopping, and working out so I don't turn into a pregnant whale. AND...I've been grocery shopping at whole foods (time-out, we are NOT loaded. Chris has gotten sick and they have the best homemade soup. I would make my own except I don't want him to get tired of eating the same soup over and over again because that's the worst when you're sick) and basically I've noticed that if you want to do whole foods the right way, you either have to wear luxurious and strappy yoga attire with full makeup and hair all did up, OR your Sunday best. Those that know me know that I am not a huge fan of dressing up unless I'm going on a hot date with my man OR to church OR to some event where I must (blame my three brothers) but I ESPECIALLY do not want to dress up or wear skin-tight yoga clothes to buy some soup. I'm really not exaggerating on this one, I promise.

Same thing goes for the gym. It's like an exercise themed beauty pageant in there, people. And I have no interest in flaunting my ever-growing belly and ever-painfully-growing chesticles in skin-tight clothing for the world to see. And I most certainly don't want to put on makeup and then go work out so that my pores will clog and I'll break out more than this baby is already causing me to. Working out is largely NOT an attractive sort of activity to do in skin tight clothing. Leg lifts and squats and pelvic thrusting and awkward yoga poses--people. So I represent the population of 1% who typically wear t-shirts and gym shorts that are a normal level of baggy. In a class of 30 or so people, I am usually THE only one wearing a t-shirt. Fact.

What I am getting at is that I used to care a lot more and now I do not. This change is partially related to Ellie.....(duh...most things these days are) and partially related to the fact that I have (Jesus has) conquered the battle of external/attraction based self-worth. That junk is a lie. That's not to say that all women who dress up to go to the grocery store or wear tight workout gear to the gym do it because they struggle with self-worth. Absolutely not. But there was a time when I would have been tempted to change my wardrobe to fit the status quo and those days are no more. It's why I didn't crash diet for my wedding. It's why I didn't cry when Ellie gave me stretch marks on my belly. It's why I am okay with the fact that in a few months I'm going to waddle rather than walk. (That is not to say that there weren't challenges on the way.) It's why I don't have a magic number of weight in my head in which I think that if I attain it I will be happy. Because if I relied on a magic weight for satisfaction I am positive that I wouldn't be satisfied once I attained it.

All I want to do is take care of myself and this baby, whatever that may look like.
All I want to do is by my sick husband some soup without feeling sanctioned by society.
All I want to do is tell everyone I know that the only thing that will satisfy them in this life is Jesus.

And with all that being said, here's a pregnancy update...I mean I know you're curious.
-I finally feel GREAT (in comparison to the last few months.)
-I forgot I was pregnant for a second...maybe a fraction of a second until I remembered because it's all I think about. But PHYSICALLY--yes. Things are going much better.
-If the baby cooperates on Monday, we may be able to find out the gender. If not..I have to wait impatiently for another four weeks.
-Fear? It's there. But it's less. And it's decreasing.
-I've been feeling the baby move a LOT. Especially at night. It makes me smile every time.
-Burgers have been added to the no-go list for food. What is it with these Tate babies and food aversions? I thought I was supposed to have awesome cravings!
-Round ligament pain--it's happening. (Not painful though.) And the stretching is quite interesting with this c-section scar of mine. It feels super weird and itchy? I try not to envision the scar ripping apart but it happens sometimes before I tell myself to pull it together..like..that's not even a legitimate fear, Jordan.
-My favorite activity to due these days is FLOATING. I'm not even that big yet, no, but the ocean is literally the best until I get out and my torso feels extra heavy again. I'm bummed that when I'm huge it's going to be winter and too cold to swim but bonus--it won't be hot outside..so you win some you lose some. (Plus I'll have time between winter and summer to recover physically for water funtivities.)
-Next appointment: July 8th (16 week)

Thanks a million for praying for us. You guys rock so hard.

P.S. One way that prayers have been answered is that I've been realizing through writing and praying how FAR I have come (seriously, I can't stress enough..not because of my own effort at all) and it's brought about some really good feelings of strength. I felt too weak before to see this journey as anything but painful..but I've noticed lately that especially when I talk to people about Ellie I almost can't believe that what comes out of my mouth is actually what happened to me. There are still really weak moments, but as a whole--I am just so grateful for Ellie and that she is mine and I wouldn't trade her for the world. So, really, thank you so much for praying so consistently for us.


P.P.S. Check the right column to participate in the gender poll! What gender do you think this baby is?