I haven't been the most vocal about what's been going on over here in the realm of adoption, and that has been intentional. It's been a lot to process outside of the blog, so the thought of sitting down and typing out something that is coherent and helpful has been slightly overwhelming. I do have some general thoughts, though, and from them you can gather whatever information you want!

Things are happening quickly and we hear this is not the norm. Actually, I know it's not the norm. I'm pretty familiar with this world via research/work experience/general curiosity from an early age, and I can affirm that it's silly how fast it's going. Sometimes I have to catch myself in my ponderings about it all and ask myself "Is it really such a crazy idea that God may just want to bless us with a baby?" Because my mind is so. geared. for. tragedy. I think about the parents who wait YEARS for their adopted little people, or who wait six or seven months just to come across one or two situations, and that's just not how it's happening with us.

I can foresee myself sitting here typing to you guys with a small one just a few feet away--telling you how God is faithful and how I wish I could have trusted Him more throughout this whole thing...how I wish I could have forced my brain's gears to switch to expecting good things and not expecting failure. I'm just not there. I'm practicing a lot of grace with myself.

Another thing I think about often is "if only people knew what this was all like...they would surely run to get home studies done, right!?!?!?" The world of adoption can feel overwhelming when you step into it. For me it's not because of finances. Not because of pressure or the thought that we weren't made for this. It can feel overwhelming because there are so. many. orphans. You know how we can get paralyzed when we enter into situations that are so much bigger than we ever knew them to be? When in the face of the hugeness of things we freeze and do nothing? I find myself literally up in arms upset that we can't take multiple at a time. I'm not saying that the reason people don't adopt is because they aren't educated on the matter-on how many orphans are really out there....I just think we're so geared towards having our own babies and that's absolutely a beautiful thing. But man, you guys, what if we all just asked the Lord if He would have us adopt? Like--if we really really listened? I believe He's speaking to His Church about this, I believe it with all my heart. The Lord started speaking to me about adoption at an early age...and praise Him for bringing me a husband who had such compassion towards the orphans. I can't reduce orphan care down to a "call." I think there's more to it than that.

Maybe it looks different than solely bringing them in..or maybe it doesn't. I am not the one to judge, but what I'm getting at is just.........what if the church as a whole just talked to God about the orphans? They are real, you guys. I have an email inbox full of proof. They are all around.

Can you imagine me with this little weak heart coming across adoption situations multiple times a week and wondering who will parent these little people? And our realm of situations is so limited..just to the SOUTH EAST of the UNITED STATES! Worldwide?--gosh. So many orphans. Surely I am only feeling the tiniest percentage of love for them in comparison to what God feels towards them.

All this to say- things are happening. And we are excited, but we also hope to see people all around us adopt these little people. (Or big people!) I dream of a world where I know more people who have adopted orphans that those who haven't. THAT is a dreamy thought. We WILL keep everyone updated!

With love,
The Tates

Ever since we won the adoption giveaway I mentioned in the last post, I've been fortunate enough to connect with various women who have experienced some form of loss/infertility/etc, and it has done a number on my heart.

It's bittersweet, really. I would never wish for any person to experience infant loss or infertility or anything of the sort..but goodness, to be able to find and level with one another is really an incredible thing. I hate that it reminds me that there is this whole army of women out there walking around just like me..affected by the pregnant women we pass in the grocery store, affected by the baby clothes section of department stores, affected by the mothers we pass loading their babies into their cars, the diaper aisle, the sound of any crying baby anywhere...the list goes on and on and on.

Would anyone look at me and know that I am one of them? I wish there was a way we could easily spot each other, whatever the circumstances--so I could walk along side them and hug them and stomp my feet with them and tell them that I understand. We've all stepped into (been thrown into?) this world of grief and mourning and it's so not okay to feel alone in it. It's so not okay that it happens in the first place.

So this is to all of you who know what it's like to feel so very alone in a world where you are suddenly and uncontrollably hyper aware of every single baby bump you pass....every child in a stroller...and every car seat in the cars around you.

My heart is with you. God sees you. You are not alone.

Wellllllllllllllll, hey.

Every day lately is different than the last, some days harder, some days easier, some days we want to shoot the day in the face (not possible) and be done with. But there have been some good ones, too, and those are the ones I'm going to share.

Brain--not functioning as it normally does (what's new) so I'll just tell you briefly what we've been up to lately.

Chris had a birthday yesterday! He turned 26 years awesome, and for his birthday I bought him a variety of goodies and also coordinated a trip with our friends, Jake and Julie, to go down to Universal Studios again at the beginning of March. Just for the day. We did this almost exactly a year ago and it was magical. We can't wait to see them and we most definitely could use some rollercoaster/harry potter therapy.

We won this AMAZING adoption giveaway that I found out about on social media and entered not thinking at all that we were going to win the dang thing. It's a combination package from Faithful Adoption Consultants, The Adopt Shoppe, and the Choose Joy Conference. You can look up all of these online if you are curious about what they are. The Choose Joy Conference is happening at the end of April in Laguna Hills, California, and we get to attend (all expenses paid.) We are tacking on a couple days to the end of this conference since it's so far away, so we plan to live it up, people.

We went to a very well-timed (in our life) Bethel Worship Night in Charlotte with my parents, brother, and some of our dear friendies on this past Monday night. They sent a team over to our side of the states and we were so appreciative of that. Bethel Worship is some of the best (in our opinion), and it is so fun worshiping with family and friends. PLUS-the auditorium was SOLD OUT! Way to go, east coast peeps! You can listen to (and buy) the new album, "We Will Not Be Shaken" on itunes. It's really an amazing set of songs.

We have decided to just "do fun crap" whenever we feel like it this year, and so if you get a call from us to go to the local trampoline park...just say yes. We went last Friday sort of spur of the moment, and it was amazing. But for real, we were shockingly sore afterwards...after jumping for an hour. What. I had pregnancy to blame. Chris had nothing to blame.

Speaking of how terribly out of shape we are, I had my 6 week appointment and I'm officially good to start running and all the stuff. I've technically been going to the gym for a couple of weeks now, but it does feel good to work out again, especially when I'm feeling alkgalkjualkjerllaigjakejlajgad.
We did NOT get our genetic results back, they said they won't be available until probably March or April. I don't really care that much as I'm guessing I already know what they are going to say. They have mentioned twice that depending on the results, we could test embryos via IVF for the fatal condition and insert the ones that are healthy, but we do not feel comfortable with this as we would have to destroy the "affected" embryos. All I can think about when they talk about that is destroying little Ellie's and Elsie's. No way, man. If I get pregnant again it will be via embryo adoption (info on that in the adoption tab up top.)  :)

And that's about all I've got left in my head.

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We don’t deny the reality of suffering, on the one hand, nor the possibility of God, on the other. Again, this acknowledgment certainly doesn’t constitute an answer to the intellectual problem of pain. I believe there are answers on a certain level. But even the best answers are terribly unsatisfying, and they work better in a classroom than in a hospital room, beneath a pile of earthquake rubble, or at a crime scene. They provide only cold comfort to a person in agony, and often, as they solve one intellectual quandary, they create twenty-two more. As C. S. Lewis famously and wisely stated, the best answers don’t do as much good for a person in pain as a dose of courage does. So to pray on in the face of outrageous suffering, it seems to me, is at heart a choice of courage and hope, even if the prayers sound like blasphemies to observers.

So we shout, “No, no—I will not reject God! But no, no, no—neither will I deny my questions either! No, I will not cave in to despair, but no, neither will I be pacified with unsatisfying answers or superficial comfort. No!”[1]