We have the most lovely midwife. We are just so sad that we probably won't be able to deliver with her anymore because we're high risk--but we're still meeting with her and I am so happy that we are. Seeing her was such a necessary break from the high-risk-hospital-pregnancy-world.

We got a little freaked out because we hadn't felt Ellie move in a while.........a good while. Don't worry or be offended if you normally get Ellie updates and didn't know about this, we didn't announce it because we didn't want to scare anybody and we were out of town celebrating our anniversary (of course.) So we called our midwife and ended up meeting her at the birthing center once we got back home and we heard the little nuggets heartbeat and all is well. The midwife said that sometimes babies can go into small little cycles of being not as active and it's perfectly normal....but understandably frightening--especially in our situation.

She talked with us until 9pm and offered to let me take a doppler home so I could listen to her whenever I got scared (I declined because that's all I'd do) but she just encouraged us so deeply. Ellie's heart rate was wonderful and my belly is actually measuring just slightly below normal, which is so encouraging. Anyways--apparently when we called Amy to tell her we hadn't felt Ellie, she stopped and prayed with the people she was with (on a precious Sunday night that we stole from her schedule and of course she didn't even care.)

Anyways, she listened for a good while to her heart, felt for her position, and kept her hand on my belly until she felt her kick the palm of her hand. It was so sweet. And today Ellie is just back to her normal wiggly self which I just love. Such wonderful and constant reminders of her existence and of how far she's already gone past the physicians' expectations. Keep on, Ellie!

In other news: we had a BLAST at the aquarium because lets just be real; few things are more awesome than staring at huge whale sharks and beluga whales and dolphins and bright jellyfish and pondering how creative God is...and there is something so peaceful about sea creatures. The way they move...water...the quiet...it's just amazing. We ate a fancy shmancy dinner at this amazing restaurant called Alma Cocina in Atlanta (and we got a free dessert of fancy gourmet style churros when they found out why we were in town.) Andddd we stayed at a super nice hotel (thanks Mom and Dad!) and it was just so relaxing.

If you're visiting this site because you've heard about Ellie or heard that we need prayer, you can track what's going on with her by visiting the following post links (from oldest to newest..mostly.) Ellie is our first child who we are currently pregnant with. She is having some major complications and we have been told that she likely will not survive. We decided to keep people updated using our blog as we know and believe in the power of prayer and intercession. God is good. He is carrying us through this.

We absolutely are so grateful for all of the support and we DO desperately need your prayers.

A brief introduction and why we are posting about Ellie

Medical update from 4/7

Adventures in praying for Ellie

Medical update from 4/30

On endurance (in relation to Ellie)

Medical update from 5/21 *Latest update!


Next appointment: Tuesday, June 4th (36 weeks)
My official due date is on 7/1

If you don't have time to read all of the posts above, here is how you can be praying:
-That Ellie lives.
-That her health is restored and that she is healed
-That she will grow substantially in order to have a chance at survival outside the womb
-Peace over our family
-That God would be glorified.

“Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

So we took Ellie to IHOP for some prayer. Not because we feel like there are certain places you should go to receive "better" prayer or something like that--but because it was a change of scenery, my God-family lives there, and it was so symbolic to me of all the people who would travel to Jesus to receive healing. Some of those passages are my favorite--they are so beautiful. Obviously, now, we have the Spirit which is the best gift ever--and we don't have to go "find" him...but it just felt so good to take her to him, if that makes sense.

Anyways--my whole family (except my oldest bro and his wifey because they had job opportunities come up and had to drive to GA :) yay!) + my God family +some friends BUT--we had a lot of support and it felt awesome to be surrounded by all of them. Nothing mindblowing and extreme took place..not that we were or were not expecting anything crazy to happen, but God totally just met us where we were, and we've been learning that everytime we receive prayer for her, He speaks deeply into our hearts and really gives us a lot of revelation about the ways in which he thinks about us and carries us. It's really really sweet.
And that's what happened.

Ellie did the usual flipping and wiggling around during intercession time--which never gets old. That girl loves some prayer..it happens every time without fail. But what was so good was that I wasn't really hearing what was being prayed but was hearing really really sweet things from the Lord about myself and Chris. Some of them are super intimate and I won't go into detail, but we just felt so much love poured over us and Ellie. PLUS-my mom had a vision of holding Ellie which was just so sweet and special to me. There's nothing like worshiping with your family..it's so powerful. Also--this was the first time that Chris felt her move by placing his hand on my belly--so it was extra proof of how crazy she gets during prayer. Yes!



Anyways--we just loved on her all weekend and really felt/feel like it's our duty as her parents to continue to ask for healing. Why wouldn't we? We firmly believe there are no sick babies in heaven and we're called to pray for God's kingdom on earth. Makes sense.


Here's where the detailed story comes in:


The next time we had people (like a group of people) pray specifically over Ellie was at our house church and that is a story that I'm going to tell in detail because it was so sweet. As people were praying things over her, God just really impressed this picture onto my heart and mind:



There was a couple standing in front of us who I didn't know--and they were just as pregnant, and somehow I knew that they were going through the exact same thing as us. The same questions, lack of diagnosis, and lack of health for their baby. They were literally going through just what we were. Then God presented a question to me--and He said, "This family is going through exactly what you are, the pain, the heartache, the waiting and wondering. If you had the option to sacrifice Ellie so that their baby could thrive and live life to the fullest......would you do it?"

And the question wasn't condemning or judgmental at all--I was honest in that moment and said "No." I went on to say, "No--I absolutely don't have the strength to give up my child for someone else." I pressed into this further and admitted to Him that I would absolutely watch this family suffer through losing their child so that I could have mine, if that was the other option. I admitted how I am so weak and weary and that the idea of giving up my little girl so that someone else's child could live just doesn't even make sense to me. I wouldn't do it. I absolutely wouldn't do it.



And then He impressed again onto my heart--"Okay then, do you see how much I love you? I'm not condemning you for your answer. I asked because I wanted you to see how deep my sacrifice was for you. I asked you because I wanted you to see how deeply you need me, even though you know me. I wanted you to see how strong of a love you have for your child--that you wouldn't be able to give her up, and then imagine how much stronger my love was for my child because I am perfect. And I DID choose to give him up."



And the truths went deeper and deeper. And I didn't feel condemned, even though this absolutely brought to light the darker parts of my heart. I felt so much love. SO much love. Because it's true--I couldn't give her up for someone else. I want her. I need her and I need to hold her. I'm not strong enough to make that kind of sacrifice.


Isn't that ridiculous?

It's so ridiculous. I told our friends about this and did a bad job of describing it--because how do you accurately describe a picture like that? How do you accurately describe what it feels like to become a mother through pregnancy and to begin learning what it's like to deeply care for a child that was created out of love?


So that's what we've been going through and learning and pressing into. And it's really really rough. And we don't feel strong. And we're very very tired of waiting. And we really really really are looking forward to the time where we get to start healing from all of this. But God has been really sweet to us. Clearly.


keep believing!,
C+J