This big bundle of giggles turned THREE. (Where has the time gone.)
This nugget..well, not much has changed.
Joint birthday candle blowing..
Sweetness.
That's right, new blog address. I've been wanting to change this place for a while now as I created "adventures of c + j" upon getting married to my lovely man...the adventures surely aren't over but we've changed so much that it felt right to change our family journal a bit, as trivial as that sounds.
Lately I've been non-stop listening to Rend Collective's "art of celebration" album that our sweet friend gave to us and it's the happiest album ever. Perfect for this season of life (and forever--to choose celebration). There's one song in particular that really resonates with me called "Lighthouse," where the lyrics are:
Lately I've been non-stop listening to Rend Collective's "art of celebration" album that our sweet friend gave to us and it's the happiest album ever. Perfect for this season of life (and forever--to choose celebration). There's one song in particular that really resonates with me called "Lighthouse," where the lyrics are:
I will trust the promise.. [that] you will carry me safe to shore.
And every time I hear it I'm like. YES. Music, you guys. Anyways, moving back to the beach has been more healing than I could have imagined for our family. Mostly because there is a deep love in me for the ocean that can't be rationally explained with words.
Throughout our journey with Ellie I have talked about how I frequently battled (and still battle) feelings of entitlement. I find myself waiting on promises that were never really promised to me and instead I find myself humbled and learning loads about gratitude for the life I already have rather than what may be to come. But the best promise is the one that actually has been promised to us..and it's that we will be carried home to shore in the end of it all.
We're going to enjoy the voyage towards home. Rough waters? Still waters? Doesn't matter. You can come join our boat if you wanna.
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Time for a pregnancy update?
How far along: 13 weeks 3 days
Symptoms:
Extreme fatique (different than E)
Nausea (more intense than E)
Excess saliva (I know. I didn't know this was a pregnancy symptom until it started happening to me. I DROOL LIKE A DOG, people.) (didn't have with E)
Pee every five seconds (Yep, had that with E)
SUPERMOODY (Sorry, Chris)
Boy or Girl?: we MAY find out at our next appointment on July 8th
What I miss?: Having a good craft beer on the weekend, and surfing.
Baby Size: Kiwi
Movement: YES! Flutters!
Food Cravings/Aversions: No cravings, just aversions (Peanut butter and Burgers are a NO GO. I can barely type the names without feeling sick.)
Best and Worst part about second pregnancy:
Best: Feeling flutters earlier
Worst: Normal clothes didn't last very long (maternity shorts/pants at 8 weeks. Eek!)
______________________________________
Time for a pregnancy update?
How far along: 13 weeks 3 days
Symptoms:
Extreme fatique (different than E)
Nausea (more intense than E)
Excess saliva (I know. I didn't know this was a pregnancy symptom until it started happening to me. I DROOL LIKE A DOG, people.) (didn't have with E)
Pee every five seconds (Yep, had that with E)
SUPERMOODY (Sorry, Chris)
Boy or Girl?: we MAY find out at our next appointment on July 8th
What I miss?: Having a good craft beer on the weekend, and surfing.
Baby Size: Kiwi
Movement: YES! Flutters!
Food Cravings/Aversions: No cravings, just aversions (Peanut butter and Burgers are a NO GO. I can barely type the names without feeling sick.)
Best and Worst part about second pregnancy:
Best: Feeling flutters earlier
Worst: Normal clothes didn't last very long (maternity shorts/pants at 8 weeks. Eek!)
This space has been all over the place lately, I realize. That's partially (completely) because that is the state of my brain these days.
We're coming up on Ellie's birthday which is a crazy/devastating/mind blowing/challening thing..and I feel like I'm still finding my voice since everything has happened.
I never want this place to be one where I feel that I can say whatever I want just because of what I've been through. Losing Ellie taught me a lot about entitlement in that I'm entitled to basically nothing in this life except for more Jesus (and NOT because I have earned it) and more Jesus never hurt anybody.
What I do want is for this place to stay honest. There's a balance between honesty and unfiltered, out of control emotions, for sure. I'm not a professional at finding the perfect balance, but I promise to do the best I can while still trying to be an encourager who doesn't claim to have the perfect solution or a neatly packaged offering.
If anything--I'm just a public rambler attempting to word vomit my way towards clarity of mind and growth as a human being, and you guys get to come along and reel me in when it seems I've surely lost it this time OR silently pray for my sanity.
JOKING(?)
So what are we doing for Ellie's birthday? I have no earthly idea. How do you celebrate(?) a day such as this. From what I can tell about myself (so far) in dealing with tragedy--I don't seem to be one to gravitate towards big, symbolic, super structured ideas for remembering her..although I hear it is helpful for some. I write about it and I cry about it, smell her clothes, and look at her picture, but it's hard to dream up an occasion that's about her but that I don't get to share with her. Her funeral was hard enough to plan--and really we didn't do much..our friends totally carried us through it.
So maybe we'll watch a movie with family. Eat some food? And allow ourselves to feel what we feel, whatever that may be, without the pressure of feeling like we should be feeling something else.
That's basically all I know and considering Ellie is having the time of her life, I don't think we'll be dishonoring her no matter what we do or don't do. I love that little girl.
Can I get a HALLELUJAH AMEN that I am almost out of the first trimester with baby two? I mean, REALLY, people. Really. THAT is a nice gift to receive around Ellie's birthday. Our next appointment is on the 10th--complete with another super terrifying ultrasound. It's going to be awesome. Repeat. It's going to be awesome. Repeat. What? You want to pray for us and our appointment? Well. Psh. Well. YESOFCOURSEDOTHAT.
Much love to ya bad selves.
Jordan
We're coming up on Ellie's birthday which is a crazy/devastating/mind blowing/challening thing..and I feel like I'm still finding my voice since everything has happened.
I never want this place to be one where I feel that I can say whatever I want just because of what I've been through. Losing Ellie taught me a lot about entitlement in that I'm entitled to basically nothing in this life except for more Jesus (and NOT because I have earned it) and more Jesus never hurt anybody.
What I do want is for this place to stay honest. There's a balance between honesty and unfiltered, out of control emotions, for sure. I'm not a professional at finding the perfect balance, but I promise to do the best I can while still trying to be an encourager who doesn't claim to have the perfect solution or a neatly packaged offering.
If anything--I'm just a public rambler attempting to word vomit my way towards clarity of mind and growth as a human being, and you guys get to come along and reel me in when it seems I've surely lost it this time OR silently pray for my sanity.
JOKING(?)
So what are we doing for Ellie's birthday? I have no earthly idea. How do you celebrate(?) a day such as this. From what I can tell about myself (so far) in dealing with tragedy--I don't seem to be one to gravitate towards big, symbolic, super structured ideas for remembering her..although I hear it is helpful for some. I write about it and I cry about it, smell her clothes, and look at her picture, but it's hard to dream up an occasion that's about her but that I don't get to share with her. Her funeral was hard enough to plan--and really we didn't do much..our friends totally carried us through it.
So maybe we'll watch a movie with family. Eat some food? And allow ourselves to feel what we feel, whatever that may be, without the pressure of feeling like we should be feeling something else.
That's basically all I know and considering Ellie is having the time of her life, I don't think we'll be dishonoring her no matter what we do or don't do. I love that little girl.
Can I get a HALLELUJAH AMEN that I am almost out of the first trimester with baby two? I mean, REALLY, people. Really. THAT is a nice gift to receive around Ellie's birthday. Our next appointment is on the 10th--complete with another super terrifying ultrasound. It's going to be awesome. Repeat. It's going to be awesome. Repeat. What? You want to pray for us and our appointment? Well. Psh. Well. YESOFCOURSEDOTHAT.
Much love to ya bad selves.
Jordan
