So it's 5:46 in the morning, and this is for sure going to be an all nighter..but on this study break my mind is racing about the absolute beauty of uncertainty. Not uncertainty of what I should be following...because my heart is there and i'm fully at peace and committed to him..an uncertainty of just how it's going to happen. The beauty of not being in control and being so absolutely okay with it.

So many people settle in their complacency and look the other way at the chance of taking the oh so cliched "leap of faith.." but the most amazing thing that I am finding after forcing myself off of my little ledge of security and safety..is that so many are buying into this lie that they are going to end up jumping into this type of air-y nothingness and are going to sit there waiting for God to take control....when in reality, said nothingness is actually this perfectly paved path that you just cant see from the top. And it's dark. Pitch dark. But you walk. and gripping your hand is my God, my Father. And he's not flipping the light switch and illuminating his perfect plan for my life. He's holding a flashlight for me and He's shining it right where I'm supposed to be and holding me while I run there..and thats absolutely all I need.

There are no worries. There is no fear. just perfect perfect perfect peace. So about this test and the ignorance that comes from the text that I've been forced to study these past weeks and viciously these past hours..I have this to say: "You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life, and it is they that bear witness about me,yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life." (John 5:39-40) As Mike Donehey says "Christianity was never meant to be a belief system. It was meant to be an ENCOUNTER with a PERSON. It always has been, and always will be." an intimate, ridiculously and never-endingly loving encounter..that you just can't deny..not with all of the useless "knowledge" in the world. -I'll die if I don't die to myself.....I can only strive to be come nothing so that maybe I will one day be able to offer some sort of hint or spark of a reflection of this love that I am so absolutely undeserving of, yet consumed in so overwhelmingly--Why? Because He is perfection.

and I am becoming nothing, as it should be.