I was reading in Phillippians..more specifically, chapter 1 verse 21. Let me just show you what happened.

Paul writes:
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

I skimmed over this..and kept reading, but quickly went back. I've read this little verse a million times. But for some reason I reread it over and over again. You could say, man that's a pretty cool verse..Christ is life, and death means heaven for eternity..and then move on. But put it into context...

Paul is chillin' "in chains" because of the whole false accusation situation after he cast a demon out of this girl. So check it out, he's spreading the gospel, traveling around, casting out DEMONS..(no big deal). So now he's in big trouble. He's awaiting trial.. [pause] Let's take a minute to talk about Roman imprisonment. typically you are stripped naked, whipped with a rod or whip, then left bleeding in rusty chains. K, so Paul dealt with this physical abuse back when Acts was written, and now he may be on house arrest (but still imprisoned) and writing to Phillipi. At this point, Paul doesn't know what exactly is going to happen to him. And this is what gets me....

Lets say, I go outside today, and somehow, somewhere..I'm talking about Jesus, and someone who gets offended straight up shoots me. Doesn't kill me..but wounds me. This is highly unlikely, but hypothetically, once i'm "healed" how likely is it that i'm going to openly talk about Jesus anywhere I go...and if I do talk about him, will it be out of joy? Or would I feel "obligated" as a Christian? Get where I'm going with this?

As a prisoner under Roman rule, Paul could be beaten to death at any moment. But he's sitting here writing, quite literally, For living to me means simply "Christ", and if I die I should merely gain more of him. If you keep reading in Phillippians after that, it says that he is literally "torn" between wanting to live and wanting to die to be with Christ. [Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far, but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.....so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.] I can't help but think that if I were in Paul's situation i'd be thinking look, God..i'm happy to do your work..but please take me to meet you, I have suffered enough.

Paul is torn between living as a prisoner and dying to be with Jesus. He's saying that by dying he will be gaining MORE of Christ..which implies that by living (imprisoned) he's still experiencing a whole heck of a lot of Christ (and joy for that matter) to even be able to compare his current life with heaven and eternity.

This is freakin' awesome.
I want to be able to say that my life=Christ (even if beaten, harrassed, and abused)...and to die=heck, even better. How many Christians feel this way!?!? Not many....not me. This is my new prayer...I want life to equal Christ and nothing else.

I don't want to sound spoiled. So as a preface: I am VERY thankful and blessed to be able to use this kind of technology to keep in touch with friends, family, and mostly Chris when I have to be living two hours away from him at this moment. Seriously..I always get that whole "well at least you dont have to write letters back and forth" comment from people. But for me...well..besides that fact that I DO still write letters....I can appreciate both sides of the story. See, no matter how wonderful it is to be able to talk AND see the person youre talking to....it's extremely more painful than lets say..a letter, phone call, or even a text. Because then when faces like this:
happen, you don't get that gut wrenching horrible feeling in your stomach knowing that there is nothing you can do at that moment to ease the stress of being away from someone you love. I also don't mean to say that I wish he would just be perfectly fine and only express sadness when i'm not staring at him through the screen. Seeing this reaffirms the fact that it is obviously painful to be away from each other....and for that I am thankful to you, Skype. I guess what i'm trying to say..is thankyou, and, also, you make me extremely unnecessarily sad regarding this already sad situation. Chris Tate, when you look this way..there is nothing that I want more than to jump through the screen and hug you. And knowing that I can't is not a fun feeling at all. I MISS YOU. This on the other hand:

that's a bit better. ;) Doesn't completely cut it..but what can ya do. (5 days!!! <3) So, in conclusion...I love and hate you, modern technology. You are oh so convenient and so very torturous at the exact same time. And yes, I really do enjoy writing letters..and I hope that I will continue to do so forever. Long live ink and parchment.

is hilarious. I was at work, and needed a copy of my birth certificate. I called him and asked if he would go to the safe where my mom keeps all that good stuff, and he starts looking through it to find it. He then pauses and says.."Do you want the good news or the bad news..?" I said something along the lines of "Dad..what." and he says, "Well, I found your birth certificate.......but it says that the father is Juan Miguel Rodriquez the fourth. I just noticed it. I'm going to have to have a stern talking to your mother when she gets out of the shower." I cracked up..wondering how he comes up with these things right off the top of his head.

But wait..the story goes on...
He comes to work, document in hand..and tells me to take a look at it. He had scanned a copy (like I asked) but blocked out his name..and for real put "Juan Miguel Rodriquez el Quatro" in place of the fathers name space.......

Don't worry..he actually did give me a real copy as well. Oh goodness..what a crazy man he is.

I've told this story a million times. But upon stumbling upon my lovely co-counselor from last summer's blog...and stalking almost every aspect of it, I just feel the need to express my love for Anna Harrison. So the story lives on:

This past summer, one of the most hyped up moments of Staff Week at camp...is finding out who your co-counselor is. This is a huge deal. I mean HUGE. This person, like it or not, will be living with you about 3 feet away (or below if you choose the bunkage route) with 8 crazy little girls for 3 months. Count it. Three. To put it plainly; if you don't like them......then your camp experience=much different than if you did like them.

Now...to clarify something...it's impossible to not 'like' somebody that works at this camp. The personalities/faiths/nature of everyone hired there just kinda works, if you know what I mean. So in terms of "liking" I really mean...if you just "click."

So, the day came. Long story short..I found my cabin with my face and my co-counselors face slapped on the outside of the porch. Well, not literally our faces. Polaroids of course. And there she was. Cute little Anna Harrison...who somehow I never really talked to during staff week (not intentionally..its a big group of ladies). We move in..and the first impression? AMAZING. No i'm just kidding..I was scared to death. She seemed great. nice. adorable. But....she was organizing her camp things as if there was going to be an inspection for the most organized cabin. Oh, and she brought about a bajillion things that I didn't even think to pack. Main point=I got done unpacking (unpacking=randomly placing items where I felt they might should be placed..unstrategically) in about 20 minutes. She got done unpacking (unpacking=strategically and thoughtfully placing each item according to its class and nature) in about an hour. This worried me..(quite obviously too. I sat indian style on my bed watching her as she caringly put away her many things) it didn't worry me because I thought she was crazy. It worried me because I was afraid she would be upset at my 'different' living style.

This was day one. Day two..little bit tense waking up in the same cabin alone..Day three...in LOVE with her. Day four five six seven eight nine...and ninety=RIDICULOUSLY in love with her. Proves how amazing God is. We didn't have that much in common besides our love for the outdoors and camp and most importantly, God..but we learned from each other, cried together, laughed together..and were counselors to many girls..together. I can honestly say that she was one of the best parts of camp. I love her.

I have this wonderful friend and brother in Christ named Kevin Graybeal. Kevin worked at Camp Crestridge (not Ridgecrest) this past summer. The job in itself proves that Kevin is one special guy. Not many guys of college age (graduated age..) would want to spend a whole summer working in a kitchen and serving food to hundreds of little campers..all girls..who are more concerned with obsessing over looking at the kitchen boys rather than eating. They work from morning until evening taking out our trash, helping prepare and serve food, and all kinds of manual labor from May till August. The best part about these guys (only 3 of them..) is they also serve as friends to us counselors just because they want to.

Kevin especially, helped me through MANY hard times I faced this past summer. He served as a mentor and shoulder to lean on for me..and prayed over me and wrote me encouraging letters many times over the summer..to which I cherish and read to this day. He has the ability to see the good in everyone with such a genuine nature. He truly is one of the most Godly men I know.

The reason I'm writing this is to say that Kevin (aka K-gray..and more personally, Kdizzle) is heading off to Manali very soon to serve God. I have his blog posted over here to the right for you to read and support him...and mostly to pray for him and his safety, growth, and service to God. This would mean SO much to me..and to him.

Acts 6:4 "And we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word."

Save me, God. I am drowning and the water still rises to my neck. I am sinking and cannot reach the bottom to push myself up. The water is too deep where I am. I am tired from calling from help and my throat is tired and thirsty. My eyes are heavy from searching for you. You know my mistakes, God. Nothing is hidden from you. My past is transparent to you. God, rescue me from drowning. Do not let the waves come over me..keep me from sinking. Turn to me with your great love and pick me up.

that being away from you is just one of the worst most not fun things ever. K, I feel better now. I miss you.

Obsessed.
especially at 1.35 onward.
Why am I just now finding out about this song.
"I'm miles from where you are..I lay down on the cold ground, and I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."

That I really kinda just love giraffes.

"The irony, is that while God doesn't need us, but still wants us..we desperately need God but don't really want him most of the time."

True Story:
I was working out...running on a treadmill, when I put my ipod away..into the black pocket of my black jacket. I left the gym, reached into my pockets and found..no ipod. I freaked out. I called Chris, told him how upset I was and I retraced all my steps and kept in touch with the front desk to make sure nobody turned it in...yeah right..these days, who is going to find an ipod and turn it in. I cut my losses and accepted that my ipod was stolen, and then each time I would normally use it I thought about how awful some person was for holding MY ipod with MY music and MY pictures on it. My mom even questioned why Apple doesn't have some kind of tracking system/alert system for people trying to access their itunes with a foreign ipod. For days I thought about how I took it for granted and I'd have to just wait until the chance for me to get a new one came about.

Today, I'm skyping with Chris and wearing my black jacket. North Face jackets have the normal pockets where you can put your hands, but they also have a pointless pocket at the left side of the chest. You don't store things in there. That would be stupid. Get where I'm going with this? Yep, that's right, while I was running and trying to put my ipod away, I mistakenly placed it in the chest pocket thinking it was the bottom pocket because of the way my jacket was draped over the treadmill.

All this time I was cursing humanity and the terrible people that steal things that aren't theirs.....and then once again, I am humbled by my own stupidity. Lesson learned, but I sure am happy to have my ipod "back."

Hahaha.

I am broken, unclean, wrecked, unworthy, shamed, and dead. I come to you with my face held low and my eyes to the ground. Bring me to my knees. Humble me and draw me close to you. Without you all my hopes and dreams are nothing. Your way is perfect and I keep running away. I find pain and heartache away from Your arms..I am only satisfied in Your love. Break me and make me new..I want to live for You alone.

With fronds like these..who needs anenomes. Hahaha, oh Owl City.

I'm turning 21 this year (that's weird and awesome.) I'm dating the boy i'm going to marry (that's weird and awesome.) I'm significantly more confident in what the next portion of life is going to be like (in contrast to the 'flashlight holder' entry..which is weird and awesome.) God, I pray that you would not let me to fall into complacency as I am more aware now of where I'm headed. Keep me in your shadows so that I may live this part of my life out only by fully trusting in You. As much as we complain sometimes about being so uncertain of where You are leading us..I feel that it is one of the most beautiful characteristics of how loving You are. So thankful..

Considering how much harder this semester is going to be, especially being separated in distance from my best friend in this world..and because of that..feeling that loss of half of me......I need You that much more. Just by bringing this blessing into my life, i'm being shown that nothing will ever take your place. Even through missing such a huge part of my life now..i'm having to rely on you more than ever. That's awesome.

"It's like I know where I need to be..but I can't figure out..no I can't figure out just how much air I will need to breathe when your wave crashes over me. There's only one way to figure out, but will you let me drown? Will you let me drown.."