[I'm floating up the stairwell with my toes grazing the cedar, thinking softly what a tinder box we live in....and what a flammable heart I've been given.]


I'm finding more and more throughout this internship of the state of my heart in the midst of a darker side of the world. I find myself leveling on a playing field so similar to that of Habbakuk....


Except I have not yet been able to rejoice and rest in the sovereignty of the Creator.


My heart wants to separate away this broken and lost side of the world from what I desire God's plan to be. This isn't what He desires for us, for anything, especially for children. Then I remember that he's pursuing them too, they just don't know it.


Or they don't want to know it. This broken and lost side of the world is just an extension of the evil we have allowed to come inside.


And I'm just as guilty as the worst of these.


God still holds my heart.


He still holds their heart. He's madly in love with them too.


They beat their children. He's still madly in love.


They sexually abuse their children. He's still madly in love.


They give their children drugs. Still in love.


They'd rather give their children up than have to give their drug addiction up. Still. In. Love.


Heartbroken, but in love. And in pursuit. And wishing their eyes would be open to the one thing that would fill the emptiness...wishing they could experience the gift of parenting.....and of being a child.


Heartbroken. But in love. And that's where I am too. Heartbroken, but in love, in a tinder box, with a flammable heart.