I looked down at my calendar on my phone recently and consciously kept my jaw from dropping when I saw that we had already passed the 23rd of November just. like. that.

That means four weeks until my due date. That means the next 23 I see on my calendar will be the one that forever means Elsie and forever reminds me of the day we found out about the greatest Christmas gift we could ever receive.

So what am I feeling? I'm literally asking myself this this very moment because people ask me a lot and I always have to think really hard about it..I usually respond, "Physically or emotionally?" Because physically....I feel really pregnant. Some might think that if Elsie is as small as Ellie was that I may not be feeling the end of the pregnancy like most do...but I never really talked about how the places Ellie lacked in weight were made up with a plethora of excess fluid..this may not compare to long limbs jabbing every which way, but I can assure you that all that fluid made my womb very full and my lungs very squished. I don't know how big Elsie is, but I do know that I run out of breath making the bed (lame), I have a very hard time sleeping and switching from my left side to my right side, and I cannot tie my own shoes...much less put on socks by myself. So physically--yes, I feel very pregnant.

Emotionally I feel every sort of thing. Store employees are much more chatty because of the holidays and very pregnant ladies such as myself seem to attract all sorts of "Are you having Thanksgiving/Christmas baby!?" questions and comments and I respond with a yes and then I walk away with a heart full of joy and a heart full of anticipation and a heart full of ache. I also walk away with a deep conviction that yes, Elsie, no matter how she comes into this world, is my sweet Christmas gift whom I will love and cherish for all of my days. I feel excited to meet this little human being who has forced me into places of growth and strength. I feel sick with a love for her that is so intense that I cannot bare to think about her leaving me moments after birth. So I don't. I continue to keep my mind and heart focused on the things of heaven and not of this earth, and I thank God often that there are no sick babies in heaven and I thank Him for being the very perfect parent to Ellie. One thing I do not feel is fear. This can only be because of Jesus.

We will be fasting and praying on Wednesdays again starting next week (the 3rd) at the three week mark from my due date (oh my word) and so if you haven't been able to fast and pray the last 4 or 5 weeks and want to join in for these last days..we welcome you and thank you in advance!

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Col. 3:1-3