Meeting Elsie was one of the greatest and one of the worst days of my life--yet so different than our experience with Ellie. I love how they have two very different birth stories and how both were so right for each of them. I still can't believe she is gone, and we have another huge hole in our hearts that will always miss...
Five days until my due date, although the margin of error for our due date considering the first ultrasound we had is 4-5 days, our doctor tells us....soooooooooo. Now? Or five days after the 23rd? How are my hormones supposed to handle this kind of spectrum? I feel like a crazy person. But that's okay. I would explain, but that would entail me...
"Matthew 7:9-11 was a powerful promise to us as well. "What man if his son asks for bread will give him a stone, or if he asks for a fish will give him a Serpent? If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask?"...
19 days means 19 or sooner in my mind because I honestly don't think I'm going to go late, but considering Ellie spent her days being independent and proving doctors wrong week by week, I can't actually predict much. Ellie was a strong willed little lady. I don't know how we are already this close, but I do know that I am full...
I looked down at my calendar on my phone recently and consciously kept my jaw from dropping when I saw that we had already passed the 23rd of November just. like. that. That means four weeks until my due date. That means the next 23 I see on my calendar will be the one that forever means Elsie and forever reminds me of...
I don't normally publish posts like this because they are out of my comfort zone and I am also not structured in the way that I write, so this is going to be a bit different...but I was too excited not to share. Chris and I have noticed that in the time we've been married, a lot of people come to us to...
Lately (well, since Ellie's death, but also heightened now because of Elsie) I have struggled with a part of the grieving process that carries on over time in losing a child. The grief comes when I remember missed milestones and when we pass through holidays without Ellie here, or when I dream of days like her wedding day or graduation only to remember...
I'm not going to try to tackle the subject of God's sovereignty in a blog post. Because my brain. And also because there's so much we don't know. But there is also so much we DO know because we have the word, so that's a fun topic to delve into on your own. What I have noticed, though, is that we have this...
Elsie, my love, I am here to record the fact that I really really really really reaaaaallly realllllyyyyy really really really really REALLY want you to live on this Earth with me and your dad (who is obsessed with you. you already know.) So I'm going to keep asking. Love, your momma who is very much in love with you. ...
I've failed at writing lately. I love this little place, but sometimes my brain can't get it together to form a coherent thought. As I said in previous posts, we don't have as many medical updates to give about my treasure of a baby but I lovvvvvve that. I'd much rather give Jesus updates because he's pretty much the only physician I would...
My heart is overwhelmed and I do not feel brave. But God is still strong and we are still pushing through. I wanted to send out an invitation for anyone who wants to join with us and our little small group who meets on Sundays who are going to begin fasting and praying on Wednesdays for Elsie. I can't even describe how honored...
If you've seen my facebook as of recently, you have probably noticed my post about Chris' leg. It's WAY too good of a story not to share the entire thing, so as soon as I can I will have Chris sit down and write out everything that happened. When he first came in and told me, I couldn't even check out his leg...
In the last two years, I can't physically count the number of times we have heard the following: I know for a fact that I could not make it through what you're going through/I honestly can't imagine it/I have no idea what I would do if that happened to me.Are your brains awake? Because this is my offering to you: if you are...
I apologize for my lack of writing. I apologize mostly to myself because I have GOT to get this insane brain of mine in slightly better order. If you guys could only see what it's like in there. It's like a roller coaster except that there are no safety restraints, but also no hard ground underneath. So it's like..crazy..and terrifying..but also I can't...
My little Elsie, in preparing for tomorrow's appointment, cover your tiny beautiful ears if you hear that you are called weak or lowly or sickly. YOU, my great treasure, are teaching people so very much about the Kingdom of God. I pray that you will LIVE on this earth to boast in the Lord because of his great great great love for you....
This photo represents how I'm feeling about my doctor's appointment on Wednesday. If you recall, it will be the first one since the Elsie appointment from hell. The big giraffe is Jesus, in my mind. Is it okay to compare Jesus to a giraffe? Too late. Because clearly that giraffe is un-phased and not even acknowledging the scary, hellish thing that the...
