More daily life conversations with Chris Tate:

me:  blehhhhhhhhh sometimes pregnancy just makes you feel like a huge beluga whale and there's nothing you can do about it.
chris: but you're MYYY beluga whale.
me:    hahaha......................thanks.

*a couple hours later, Chris is reading from the pregnancy/childbirth section of his nursing book*

chris: See, Jordan, listen to this. (Begins to read aloud all sassy-like as if to prove something)"In the first trimester of pregnancy, many women are happily anticipating the changes their bodies will take on. In the second and third trimesters, the enlargement of the stomach area and breasts can lead patients to develop a negative self-concept.
me: Exactly. (Now I have an excuse. It's scientific.)

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It's my first mother's day! Man! The Lord poured out so much love and joy over me and Ellie this morning during worship. I couldn't help but smile. I'm tellin ya...she's definitely still growing. I don't really care if it's not enough to impress doctor doom-and-gloom in Spartanburg (not the good ones....the other one...) because I'm pretty sure I feel EVERY.OUNCE. Especially at night when it's getting harder and harder to get comfortable. And although it's still really tough--each day that she's still alive is just so wonderful because we're getting closer and closer to my actual due date and they totally didn't think she'd make it this far. Times like these make me wish I could go back in time and tell teenage Jordan that one day it will pay off to be so strong willed...and then tell teenage Jordan that now is not that time and that she should give her poor mom and dad a break and save all of the strong willed-ness for when she really needs it.

Which leads me to write about my mom (my dad is totally included in all of this but it's mother's day so he'll have to wait his turn.) My momma experienced pregnancy and delivery 5 times. That's a lot of labor. That equals a lot of weeks or morning sickness and beluga-feeling-syndrome and a LOT of contractions. She also had to experience losing her first daughter. I hope she doesn't mind me announcing that..but let me tell you, it is such a testimony to the healing power of Jesus and a testimony to her strength. She and my dad met Jesus after they experienced that tragedy. That means that they didn't KNOW him and his comfort until AFTER she was gone. Literally--cannot fathom the pain. The pain Chris and I feel and have felt related to all of this Ellie stuff is so deep and exhausting--and we're walking through it with a deep understanding of the love of Jesus. My parents didn't have that then. And then all of the sudden he used their friends to lead them to Christ who began to redeem and restore them and then they just became this amazing, strong, wise, courageous couple who grew tremendously from a trauma that the majority of people will never have to face. And NOW they are just able to use that to minister so deeply to Chris and I (and so many others). They don't even have to say the right words because you can see in their eyes that they know this kind of hurt....and even more so....and they also know that God is faithful and powerful and that he WILL continue to carry us because he has continued to carry them. It's just incredible.

On a much lighter note--my Mom is just so compassionate and understanding and brave. She is the best listener and she likes to say that I'm strong-willed like my Dad but secretly everyone knows that she's a fighter and she is responsible for a whole lot of that sass and boldness I get in trouble for. So is my Dad, though. The lines are so blurry...what a silly combination of genes and personality I have in me from them. Ha!

Mom. I seriously seriously seriously love you so much....and just being pregnant has so dramatically increased my appreciate of you as a mother. I can't imagine what it'll be like after many children--but I do know that my love for you can only get stronger! You are a beautiful beautiful daughter of the Kingdom! I am so blessed to have you as my mommy. Ellie sure is one lucky duck to get such wonderful grandparents.