7 weeks left

2:49 PM

I've failed at writing lately. I love this little place, but sometimes my brain can't get it together to form a coherent thought. As I said in previous posts, we don't have as many medical updates to give about my treasure of a baby but I lovvvvvve that. I'd much rather give Jesus updates because he's pretty much the only physician I would like to be hearing from.

I have to be honest, lately I've just had a heart full of butterflies for both Ellie AND Elsie--as if neither of them are tied to any sort of tragedy. Let me tell you why. Losing Ellie was the worst experience ever, which followed a relatively traumatic pregnancy that lacked all of the fun things like baby showers and shopping for her and taking belly bump pictures and setting up a crib.......but THEN, after it all, I got to experience radical inner-healing and restored joy that literally makes no sense considering the circumstances. And then we got rocked AGAIN. And now..in the MIDST of this situation, we are STILL experiencing radical joy that also can't be explained via our circumstances. Mmmmm. I know that if I were having a normal pregnancy I would still be able to talk of the joy of the Lord, but Ellie and Elsie sure have put us on the fast track to understanding what it means to be seated in heavenly places while we live on this earth. This doesn't mean I'm a ball of bubbly giggles all of the time, but man, I can definitely say that life is good and I am head over heels in love with my daughters. They are literally the best.

I am more often jealous of Ellie than I am upset that she's not with me. I've said that before, but it's so true. I know there is life left to be lived here and work left to be done here, but dang...I am excited to get to where she is.

There is something about experiencing the loss of a child that requires you to disable any earthly problem from obscuring heavenly perspectives. It makes you wish every one around you could see their earthly problems in light of who God is. So much that we complain about in our culture falls away in light of the work of Jesus. I remember recently being in a time of worship and feeling with such conviction that if I never experience another tangible blessing in this life, that the blessing of the cross is more than enough. It's more than enough! But on TOP of that, God still DOES choose to bless us in this life...solely because he is good and never because I deserve it. Everything good aside from the cross is simply a free bonus that came with a free gift. Have you ever thought about that!?

How can we complain about anything really in light of what He has done? I mean, literally...anything. The seemingly important burdens of our teeny tiny lives should really fall away in the face of a Father who pursues us no matter what our response is to Him. And so--that is why we continue to pursue our Elsie, even when it is hard to pray, even when it doesn't "seem" hopeful (not because there isn't hope, but because the enemy likes to make us feel like there isn't.) It is our job to pursue our children. Despite hard circumstances. Despite feelings of defeat. Despite not feeling equipped or not feeling strong enough. Can you imagine what would happen if the Father stopped pursuing us to avoid experiencing hurt? God reminds me of this often when I am feeling discouraged in praying. So.......we press on for Elsie.

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Thank you to those of you who have committed to joining our Wednesday days of prayer and fasting. I've been writing down all of the scriptures and words and prayers in her journal. If you've missed out on the email list and want to be on it--make sure to email me (not facebook as I hardly check it) so I can add you. I am so grateful that so many have decided to join...it is making all the difference in the world. I hope we get to see the tangible evidence in this lifetime, but if not, I am confident we will see it in heaven.




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