Has anyone even heard that song? I totally didn't realize 22 was the new thing until I heard it on the radio which I never listen to and then I was like, well..great. I missed it. The only things I got when I was 22 were weird looks when people found out I was already married. Coulda used some T-Swift support back then but whatevs.

My birthday isn't something I get extra excited about for whatever reason, but I do think birthdays are neat. I sure can't wait to celebrate Ellie's...but it's like..I clearly don't remember when I was born or even the first few birthdays of my life so I'm just trusting that my parents did cool things and let me smash my face in a cake at some point. They are working on getting some VHS tapes converted over to DVD and then I'll be able to broadcast the birthdays I don't remember to the world so everyone can see how weird I was even from an early age. Kidding.

But today I was thinking about how I'm turning 24 and nothing ever really feels different when you wake up on your birthday except that for a while you feel like an idiot when people ask you how old you are because you genuinely can't remember until it's almost your next birthday and then the cycle starts again. And then I randomly remembered how things do get more complicated as you get older, and it's not a bad thing. Because I seriously remember a time when the biggest stressor I had in my life was what to write in peoples' year books at the end of the year. No. Really. I don't know what made me think about it, but I just remember standing in the hallway with peoples' books propped up against the wall and I me having some crazy amount of writer's block and increased blood pressure when deciding whether to write "love ya" or "call me" if I didn't actually mean it or want them to call me. But also I didn't want them to get upset if they compared messages with other people where I actually did write it because I wanted them to call me. Or like what about that kid that you knew always had a crush on you but it wasn't mutual so you don't want to be all like, "Can't wait for next year!" and give them false hope but you don't want to be a jerk and like...just sign your name. Please. Someone. Sympathize with me? Those were hard days.

Life clearly gets more complex and we're clearly dealing with issues that are totally non-yearbook related now, but it's cool to think about how we never would have had the mental or emotional capacity to deal with things like this at that age anyway...so clearly there is something to this "aging" business.

I'm talking like I'm turning 75 and have all the wisdom in the world to offer. I'm basically only turning 24 and still feel really young and clearly I'm not even fully over the yearbook situation because I got stressed out writing about it so I've got a long way to go. But HEY! Here's to what I hope is a really good year, and a day full of getting as many hugs as my heart desires because Chris can't refuse birthday hugs. He never refuses hugs for the record. But I'm going to ask for an extra lot tomorrow.

Woohoo!

Two posts in one day!? I'm on a roll. I closed the last post and thought of other things I wanted to mention that are less doom and gloomy and more random, but if you didn't get to read the last post because I'm too quick for yo' butt, you can find it here.

But anyways, today I was laughing about certain things in life that I used to talk about a lot--for instance, how people always used to give Chris and I stinkin' dumb advice before we got married and random bits of non-wisdom that made us laugh a lot and then I realized that the goodness doesn't stop there. Pregnancy brings a whole new realm of dumb advice/encouragement that isn't really encouragement and I'm glad that we can just laugh about it.

Does it ever end? One time, this guy was all like, "Aw man...just wait until the honeymoon when you start seeing who your spouse REALLY is." And I was all like, "Ummm...I'm pretty sure I know Chris REALLY well." And he snickered and huffed and puffed all like whatever little girl..you haven't seen anything yet. You guys have never LIVED together.

And then I went on my honeymoon and found out I married a PSYCHOTICBIPOLARCRAZYPERSON. Sike. I married this nugget



and nothing he's done to this day has been a surprise. Nothing. I know that kid better than he knows himself. It's actually true. And then they were all like, oh man........your first year is going to be ROUGH. And we were like whatevs you don't know us. And then other people were like...first year is EASY...just wait till the SECOND year. And we were like youpeopleneedtogetalife.

We're past two and on our way to three and I'm basically more in love with this crazy man than I ever was.

So anyways. Someone recently asked me if my husband had "started to cook me dinner and stuff now that I'm pregnant" and all that. And I was like........ummmmmm...he cooks me breakfast and dinner basically every day and I need to actually get better about helping him more in the kitchen. HA. And their response: "Oh goodness......yeah I remember when my husband USED to do that, better not get used to it." And then I do what I always do: use my parents as a cop out.

I was like "Last time I checked my parents have been married for a million years and my dad still spoils her rotten." And then I walk away all booooomsuckaaas! Just kidding, I'm slightly more compassionate than that and I hope their husbands (and hey--maybe/probably the wives too) get with the program and stop being marital poop heads.

The point of all this is to say that people do it with babies too. And I'm sure they do it with grandbabies and career choices and college majors and not being satisfied with the type of coffee you ordered and the fact that you bought regular bananas instead of organic ones at the grocery store and all that. People have opinions. It's okay. But the next person that tells me when and how and why I'm going to go into labor and how big my child is going to be and what my child is or isn't going to have wrong or right with her is going to get a rude awakening.

And by rude awakening I mean nothing will happen because I'm way less confrontational than I think in my head and plus I want to be kind and gentle and not a butt in life. But I mean...it's crazy, right!? I have opinions too but I mostly keep them to myself unless someone specifically asks me about them or I feel that my opinion will actually encourage them and not make them feel like a blazing idiot who doesn't know anything.

So listen, people. Not even I.......the person carrying this dear child...nor my husband have ANY earthly idea what is to come in the next few weeks. If I could teleport into the future, come back, and let you know...I would. But I helped make this little munchkin and for the life of me cannot figure out how to gaze into the future to even determine what color hair she is going to have. Life problems. And if WE don't know......you don't know, either.

Nobody reading this is even any of those people I just described up there. Because I'm positive they don't even know this blog exists. Not to fear, I'd still write it. What I love--are the sweet people I hang out with and go to work with who just let me talk about how weird my life is right now and they just give me hugs and laugh at me and agree that this weird stage of life is really crappy for us instead of sitting me down to talk about things that nobody even knows.

This rant=over.

Thanks for listening.

Did you see this face? I'll show you again. I'm married to this person. It's okay to be jealous as long as you don't act on it. I'm kidding. Jealousy isn't good.....let's just all acknowledge together that this man is attractive and that he has the kindest eyes and smile on the planet. Annnnnnnnnnnnnd done.

I must say.......I have received so much encouragement from people who have been following along on here because let's just be real--things in my head are so much different than the things on this blog. I try really really hard to have this place be an accurate reflection of my feelings and thoughts but the encouragement I have been getting from all of you proves that I must be conveying much more strength than I feel...because let me be very honest: I'm consistently writing out of complete and utter weakness. BUT hey.....we believe in speaking things into existence over here (Romans 4) so I'll just pretend that's what I've been doing.

So here's a better reflection:

I'm basically terrified (but prayerful) and exhausted (emotionally) and confused (most of the time.) One small pro is that because I'm so overwhelmed with what's going to happen AFTER the birth, I'm basically not scared at all about labor and delivery. That (the delivery)...in my head...seems way more silly to worry about in comparison to what I went through 2 months ago when they told us she'd probably die in the womb before now. Don't get me wrong...I'm sure the birthing process is going to be ridiculous. But sometimes I'm so struck by the crazy, overwhelming nature of emotional distress as opposed to physical....and we've had enough emotional stress to last us.......a really long time.

Do I sound really ungrateful right now? I'm not. I'm thankful for so so SO many things. I'm just processing all of this and it's really messy. But yeah. No idea what this is all going to be like. No idea if she'll be in the NICU for a day or a week or a month or more. No idea if she'll be able to eat on her own or have to be hooked up to all sorts of tubes. No idea if I'll be able to hold her as much as I want to. But we just keep praying and believing that God is faithful.

2 more weeks until we're considered full term. I was driving to work this morning wondering what it would have been like if I had known at that first appointment that we'd be this far along now and that she'd still be alive. Why do I think about these things? No idea. And I didn't even come up with any profound conclusions. But I did come to realize that we are much stronger because of it, I think. More on that when I actually know something worth talking about.

I think we're still getting stronger.

I don't have anything more than that right now. I really hope that I'm so physically exhausted today because she's growing a million pounds and not just because I'm just exhausted. I haven't been sleeping due to discomfort........which I also hope is from her growing. So you're welcome to pray for good sleep, but I'd rather you just pray for SERIOUS growth. Come on, Ellie!