Hmm.

3:02 PM

Not sure what I'm feeling..so I may as well write about it. Maybe I kind of do know bits and pieces but it's been a rough couple of days. I was (and still am) so excited to be back in Clemson..but it's just been crazy I guess. First of all, yes, I am still getting used to the "post-camp" experience. It's hard for people to take this idea seriously if they haven't actually experienced it...but you get VERY used to being in an environment where everyone (for the most part) is a Christian, or at least used to talking about God on a daily basis. I feel like the main thing is that people that have experienced long amounts of time working at (or attending) camps that heavily emphasize spiritual growth and development is that you see how things COULD be in a community where every one is working to serve God and to better and encourage those around them. Ideally, if every one was living the way God intended us to live, it would look a lot like what this summer and last summer looked like. Yes, we still mess up, and it is nothing close to perfection..however when bad things DO happen or feelings ARE hurt..the way that they are dealt with are also out of brotherly and sisterly love that only comes from God.
Again, super hard to explain with words..
Basically, I tend to get too used to situations like these when I'm in them. It's hard for me to adjust going back to a community where God isn't talked about unless it is with those that are close to you.

On top of that, I got really used to living in a long distance relationship with Chris..I guess you could say that during long distance relationships you get used to this feeling of hanging out while knowing that you will be separated again soon.. For me, I always had a hard time fully enjoying each minute with Chris during the summer and last semester, because underneath it all I was always preparing my mind to have to say goodbye to him again. I am so thankful that from now on, we will never have to experience long distance again, but I haven't gotten used to not feeling this way yet. This barely makes sense to me, but it's true. I catch myself, when with him, thinking that the moment, situation, etc is going to abruptly end, even though it's not..and it puts this weird damper in my mood....I guess it's all about adjusting to change....just a very weird feeling to sort through.

And lastly, I've really been realizing that for me to make assumptions, and for other people to make assumptions about others is extremely aggrivating. I'm so guilty of making assumptions about people, situations, and things before really finding out for myself what is going on..but I didn't notice it until I started feeling the affects of someone doing it to me. It rips away any chance at being open minded to get to know somebody, because you've got your mind made up before any words have been spoken. It creates tension where tension isn't needed. It creates an environment where people have to "prove" themselves to you when in reality, nobody "owes" you anything for making these judgements in the first place. This has been a frustration of mine for YEARS. I promise that I cannot count the number of people that I have met and then later gotten to know very well have told me "when I first saw you and was introduced to you..I assumed you were going to be _____,________, or ______" and in those blanks were ALWAYS either a)a partier...b)a "man-eater"...c)one of those sorority girls...d)really high maintenance and girly. On top of those descriptions, it sucks because they are based SOLELY on the way that I look. It's definitely human nature to do this, I've done it a million times..but when people do it to me, my family, chris, mine and chris' relationship...it just frustrates the HECK out of me.

Get to know me. Heck, talk to me for 45 seconds and you'll be able to tell what I'm all about. Most of all, don't act like you have free reign to give "advice" to people who are in situations that you have never experienced in your life. Too much to ask? Nope.

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